Self-Control: Do You Have It? Part Three
“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law.” Galatians 5: 22
You can’t read the gospels without knowing Jesus lived with a spirit of joy and humor and warmth in whose presence other people genuinely enjoyed. Humor of the day, satire, and irony overflowed the cusp of the teaching of Jesus. His vision of God’s kingdom effervesces with joy. Spirit guided self-control enables the faithful to enjoy these attributes. Jesus wasn’t a kill-joy and neither are His teachings.
In His teaching there is enough wholesome fun to go around without stepping over the line into the border of impropriety. That is when joy goes out of the balloon of life. Only one personal attribute guards the border wall, and that is self-control. It is enabled when the Holy Spirit is allowed to pick its succulent fruit. Self-control is a fruit of the Spirit, an enabling grace who stands on guard in the life of the faithful.
Abuse of the good gifts that God provides leads to diminished self-control, but life in the Spirit frees the Christian to enjoy genuine joy, peace, contentment, and freedom.
We can overcome temptation if we avoid the road of compromise and choose the road of integrity. No one is perfect. We resolve to “try harder,” yet our self-effort always falls short.
How can self-control become our “new normal”? As we depend on God’s grace, we are enabled to live within the boundaries He has established, motivated not by rules, but by our love for Him.
Take this test of self-control, do you have it?
Can I be alone with an appealing member of the opposite sex and not want to be inordinately expressive sexually?
Can I control my indulgent inclinations?
Can I control my passion?
Can I control my strengths and my weaknesses?
Can I control my propensity toward improper self-gratification?
Can I control my lethargy?
Can I control my appetite at a sumptuous meal?
Can I control my sweet tooth, my soft spot, and my big eyes?
Can I control the embellishment of my deeds?
Self-control can become your new normal regardless of your efforts to try harder have failed to exercise self-control.
Only by depending on God’s grace, we are enabled to live within the boundaries He has established. It is love for the Lord resulting in obedient dependence on Him that enables us to exercise self control, not by a bunch of does and don’ts. We are not motivated by rules, but by our love for our Ruler. It is divine inspiration that results in self-control, not our impulses, or instincts. These last two are often the battering ram to tear down our resistance leading to the loss of self-control.
Always pick the fruit of the Spirit and enjoy its companions: love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness. After all, Jesus embodied those traits and you can enjoy them.
Self-Control: Do You Have It? Part Two
Failure in self-control leads to a person’s ego depletion and likelihood of further failure. It should not and does not need to. It can lead to “paralysis by analysis” and should not.
The Apostle Paul with this in mind found the antidote: “…one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 3: 13, 14)
The elevator door opened and out stepped a young man who looked at me and instantly said, “FIDO, I remember you, you spoke to our UGA football team before a game and said, ‘If you make a mistake or blow a play don’t dwell on it —-FIDO, Forget It and Drive On.’” Several years had passed since I said that, but it had become an influence in all of his life. I commend it for use when you fail to exercise self-control. Ask the forgiveness of the Lord and resolutely press on to what is ahead. Don’t dwell on past failures. You can’t drive a car looking in the rear view mirror, and you can’t press on toward your goal reliving a past short coming.
The challenge of self-discipline is a life-long one. The Apostle Paul, as devout as he was, struggled with it saying, “For what I am doing, I do not understand. For what I will to do, that I do not practice; but what I hate, that I do.”
(Romans 7: 15) He then admitted, “I find then a law, that evil is present with me….” (Romans 7: 16) He was acknowledging that though he was a new creature in Christ his old sin nature still on occasion challenged his conduct.
Anyone who has tried to do good is aware of this struggle. We never know how hard it is to stop sinning until we try. C. S. Lewis said, “No man knows how bad he is until he has tried to be good.”
Avoiding temptation requires anticipating situations where unwanted desires might emerge and taking steps to avoid the allurement. To avoid undesirable personal conduct keep your hand out of the cookie jar if you are not going to eat the cookies. Don’t put yourself in a position where it is difficult to turn back. Turn off the heat before the kettle begins to boil. Preemptively act.
The word used in Scripture to describe avoiding the powerful pull of temptation and exercise self-control is “flee” it. The word means to run from it so fast as to kick up dust.
Self-control means to stop and think of what could happen? Is that what you want? Solomon wrote: “Whoever has no control of his own spirit is like a city broken down, without walls.” (Proverbs 25: 28)
Awaken the godliness within you.
Self-Control: Do You Have It? Part One
“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law.” Galatians 5: 22, 23
Self-control is the ability to regulate one’s emotions, thoughts, and behavior in the face of temptations and impulses. Doing so is a challenge at best.
“There are three things extremely hard: steel, a diamond, and to know one’s self,” so said Benjamin Franklin. The virtue of self-control begins with knowing ourselves. It is a challenge and can be frightening, so frightening that one has said, “If I really got to know myself I likely would be frightened and run away.”
A starting point for self-control is getting to know ourselves. There is an ancient Greek aphorism “know thyself” inscribed in the forecourt of the Temple of Apollo at Delphi, Greece indicating its importance.
Great voices such as Socrates have spoken of the need of self-control: “To know thyself is the beginning of wisdom.”
Think about yourself for a moment. Satan knows you. He is no less a strategist than a military general. Both always look for the weakest points on which to focus their attack. Are you aware of weak points in your spiritual, moral, and ethical life?” Identify them for yourself.
In Hebrew 12: 1 we are exhorted to “…lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us….” What snares do you need to lay aside?
At what point or points are you likely to be most vulnerable? Identify them.
Evaluate the following approach. Backtrack from a point at which you have shown weakness, that is, have demonstrated the lack of self control. As a starter consider a point of moral failure. Now think back to the starting point where you began your journey to that end. What was the first step to that end? Got it? Now engage in an honest evaluation. What kind of things lead to you yielding to the sin which so easily ensnared you?
Post a keep off sign: “If you are not going in the house stay off the porch.”
Or, if you prefer, “If you are not going on the flight don’t get on the plane.”
Avoid things which you know will lead to a wrong attitude or conduct. Reflect now, various terms for self-control, include discipline, determination, grit, willpower, and fortitude. Self-control is the ability to control behaviors, to avoid temptations, and achieve goals, the ability to delay gratification and resist unwanted behaviors or urges.
Here is the secret. You can’t do it alone. The above text refers to self-control as one of the fruits of the Spirit. His help is needed. Reliance on the spiritual enabling grace provided by the Spirit makes self-control possible. Acknowledge your need for His help. Share your need for His help when you are first inclined to get on the porch or the plane. Do so at the first impulse. Don’t plan to fail, but even if you do, resume your commitment with even greater discipline, determination, grit, willpower, and fortitude.
Pause now and determine your lifelong strategy.
Right Is Right
Pluralism is popular. That is, the beliefs there are no absolutes, they are relative. Unfortunately that develops a culture where no one knows right from wrong. Sociologist Margaret Mead wrote: “What we need is the downfall of a single standard.”
William Law writing in the eighteenth century shared this parody of what life would be like physically if nobody knew the use of physical objects. He did so to illustrate from a physical view what things would be like spiritually if no one knew right from wrong.
“Let us suppose a person destitute of that knowledge which we have from our senses, placed somewhere alone by himself, in the midst of a variety of things which he did not know how to use; that he has by him, bread, wine, water, gold dust, iron chains, gravel, garments, fire, etc. Let it be supposed he has no knowledge of the right use of these things nor any direction from his senses how to quench his thirst, or satisfy his hunger, nor to make use of any of the things about him. Let it be supposed, that in his drought he puts gold dust into his eyes; when his eyes smart, he puts wine into his ears; that in his hunger, he puts gravel into his mouth, that in pain, he loads himself with the iron chains; that feeling cold, he puts his feet in the water; that being frightened at the fire, he runs away from it; that being weary, he makes a seat on his bread.
Let it be supposed, that through his ignorance of the right use of the things about him, he will vainly torment himself whilst he lives, and at last dies, blinded by dust, choked with gravel, and loaded with iron. Let it be supposed that some good being came to him, and showed him the nature and use of all the things, as would certainly, if observed, make him happier for all that he and deliver him from the pangs of hunger, thirst, and cold.
Now could you with any reason affirm that those strict rules of using those things that were about him, had rendered that poor man’s life dull and uncomfortable.
We are mistaken to think release from moral restraints will make us happy. These guidelines rather protect us from ourselves and can lead to joyful living.”
As knowing how to use physical things makes for a better life, so knowing and applying spiritual values makes for a better life.
William Penn observed, “Right is right though all be against it, and wrong is wrong though all be for it.”
Gravity is a law not to restrict us, but to comfort us in knowing that we will come down if we jump up and not fall off the earth. Every moral restraint is for our good, intended to let us know the moral boundaries within which is our security and comfort.
“There is a way that appears to be right, but in the end it leads to death” Proverbs 14:12
The God of Peace
A minister has an awareness that every member of his circle of constituents checks on him, some constructively, some critically. I had one most unusual one few knew of.
I had a caller who identified himself as Dr. Martin Luther King, Sr. His wife had been shot and killed while playing the organ during a worship service at Ebenezer Baptist Church. He said, “Since Mama was killed there I can’t go back there any more. From now on you are going to be my preacher.” He became a close friend and an ardent follower. Most Mondays he would call and express appreciation for my message and give me an honest appraisal of it. Objective honesty involved occasional constructive and helpful criticism. Never really negative, just loving insight.
I’ve never told that story and I doubt he ever mentioned it. It was a bond I will never forget. There were many things that could have caused an estrangement. We had many differences, but one thing forged a friendship. It was the mutual faith we had in Jesus Christ that enabled us to love each other.
Such a relationship between all races could change culture.
Two commonalities exist.
First, we are ALL “created in the image of God.”
Second, we are ALL “of one blood.”
That one size fits all model gives enough of a basis for getting along.
It is ideologies that separate us. It is a sad reality that some are held so strongly and with wrath it is impossible to placate them. They refuse to agree or compromise; they are inflexible.
However, “If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men.” (Romans 12:18) That is, do “All your part is to be at peace.”
It is impossible to appease or pacify, especially by concessions or conciliatory gestures by some people. It is impossible to placate an outraged citizenry.
Still, do your part to mitigate, that is, to lessen in force or intensity, as wrath, grief, harshness, or pain; moderate. Do all you can to make the relationship less severe.
Don’t wait for the mail carrier to deliver you a lifetime exemption from problems certificate. In the vernacular, “It ain’t going to happen.”
If on occasion you fail, and you will, everyone does, get up, brush yourself off, and resolutely determine to enthusiastically and optimistically carry on.
Even when you have not mollified the situation there is victory to be enjoyed so, “Finally, brethren, rejoice, be made complete, be comforted, be like-minded, live in peace; and the God of love and peace will be with you.” (II Corinthians 13:11)
Repeat, “the God of love and peace will be with you.”