How to Defuse Your Frustration 5/16/99

Luke 21:25-28

JESUS CHRIST spoke of a time when there would be “distress among nations, with perplexity…” and of “men’s hearts failing them.”

This summarily speaks of a time of great frustration. Nationally and internationally that potential is becoming increasingly clear. Perhaps you personally are facing a time of frustration.

Certainly it appears a broad segment of our nation is experiencing an epidemic of frustration. You know frustration.

Frustration is an emotion fathered by anger. It causes our blood pressure to rise, our breathing to accelerate, the pitch and volume of our voice to heighten.

Frustration results from us reacting against seemingly impossible circumstances.

One country comic said, “It makes me so mad I could eat a goatburger!” That’s frustration.

Frustration is the fruit of our failure to succeed and achieve. It is the outgrowth of our inability to reach a goal. It occurs when our hopes fade and our dreams die.

Frustration is a Ulysses on his odyssey coming to a rain- swollen river which he must cross and, finding it flooded, wades out into it waist-deep and beats it with a chain. Such frustrated response does no good. How many times have you found your stream flooded at the wrong time and flogged it with a chain?

Frustration is a little boy who has beaten on a locked door until exhausted and finally sits down and cries. Have you been there? Sure, all of us have been.

When that which promises to be exhilarating proves to be exasperating, we end up frustrated.

Webster defines frustration as “a deep chronic sense of insecurity arising from unresolved problems.”

You know that from your own experience. It is when you want something or want to do something real badly and things happen that just step in your way and shout “NOT.”

You have seen it, or perhaps you have been the one seen, whose plans are frustrated and you go ballistic.

Youth experience it when they get all “jacked up” and life kicks out the jack, causing a big letdown.

Frustration is a Moses coming to a much-needed spring of water and finding it dry, starts beating on the rock with his rod.

It is a John who gets fed up with the opposition and asks Jesus to call down fire from heaven on them.

Do you ever feel as frustrated as the fellow who bought a new boomerang and had trouble throwing the old one away?

At times you can feel it building. Resources aren’t available or have run out, time to act is elapsing, people to help have abandoned and the pressure rises until finally “melt-down.”

It is you senselessly honking your horn in a traffic jam.

It is our response to a comedy of confusing circumstances that keep us from being punctual at an appointment.

It’s kicking carpet when things just won’t go right.

It’s our reaction to the toaster which burns our toast and smokes up the house when we are in a hurry to get going.

It’s the burning of Los Angeles when a jury reaches a verdict that from the public view seems to be wrong.

In general there are two types of frustrations.

There are episode frustrations which are temporary problems, such as missing an important phone call, trying to get a knot out of a shoestring while friends call you a klutz or worse, or being unable to solve a computer glitch.

An episode of frustration is you slamming the refrigerator door because your favorite snack isn’t there.

It’s you kicking the cat or dog because someone chewed you out when you didn’t deserve it.

There are process frustrations which occur when a person continuously feels blocked in an area of life. Process frustrations build up and cause major problems.

It is you and circumstances standing face to face with life shouting “no way” and you responding “yes way” and circumstances won’t yield.

A few years ago psychologist William Knaus wrote a book entitled “How to Conquer Your Frustrations.” Some of his observations are worthy of noting. He said:

1. Frustrations exist when our wants, wishes, and desires get thwarted or interrupted. The feeling results from disparities between what we want and what we find available. For example, when our level of aspiration exceeds our level of achievement, we will likely experience frustration.

2. Frustrations can range from imperceptible to powerful.

3. Frustration starts from a feeling of discomfort.

4. We cause our frustrations because of what and how we think about our frustrations.

5. Strong frustrations result in mixed emotional states that have a disorganizing effect on memory and behavior.

6. Depending on how we interpret our feelings of frustration, they can stimulate positive change, aggression, regression, complacency, or compulsive behavior.

This last one means you choose how you will respond to your frustrations. Options are available to you. You are not a slave to your heredity or environment. You have willpower. You are responsible.

Therefore, from a Biblical perspective, let’s consider how to deal with our frustrations. First consider some DON’TS.

I. DON’T

A. RESORT TO VINDICATION.
In their time of frustration many people try to find someone or something to blame in order to justify themselves. “They made me do it,” is a cover-all for all sorts of inexcusable attitudes and actions.

Remember, Dr. Knaus said, “We cause our frustrations because of what and how we think…”

Solomon wisely wrote: “As a man thinks in his heart so is he” (Proverbs 23:7). If an individual or a group gets to thinking they have been wronged and have the right to destructively retaliate, violence results.

Few people are willing to take responsibility for their own actions. One of the most extreme possibilities I have heard of in this matter relates to a report that peanut butter allegedly increases one’s sex drive. Can’t you just hear some rapist pleading innocent in a court of law declaring: “I am innocent, Jiffy made me do it.”

READ: MARK 7:20 – 23.

“…each of us shall give an account of himself to God” (Romans 14:12).

Never do wrong in order to get a chance to do right.

“Do not evil that good may come.”

“See that no one renders evil for evil to anyone, but always pursue what is good both for yourself and for all” (I Thes. 5:15).

B. RESORT TO VIOLENCE.
John the Baptist was God’s oracle who said, “Do violence to no man” (Luke 3:14).

Proverbs 16:32 reminds us: “He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, And he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city.”

Psalms 11:5, “The Lord tests the righteous, But the wicked and the one who loves violence His soul hates.”

Violence may hurt others but it doesn’t help you.

Don’t get “ballistic” over your frustrations.

Plato said, “The good man will suffer evil rather than do evil.”

C. RESORT TO VENGEANCE.
Romans 12:17-19 is a case study in how to respond without a vengeful spirit.

1. Live Honestly. “Repay no one evil for evil” (Vs. 17). The great Booker T. Washington said, “I will not allow any man to make me lower myself by hating him.”

2. Live Harmoniously. “If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men” (Vs. 18). Do all you can, without compromising your convictions, to achieve peace and harmony.

3. Live Humbly. “Do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath … Vengeance is Mine, I will repay, says the Lord” (Vs. 19).

“Do not avenge yourselves” means don’t take the law in your own hands.

Don’t retaliate in like manner. If vengeance is God’s business, get out of His way and let Him to His work. He doesn’t need your help.

“Give place to wrath” is better understood as translated in the Goodspeed version: “leave room for God’s anger.” That is, get out of God’s way and let Him work. Don’t get so involved that God’s anger boils over on you also.

II. DO

Realizing we have frustrations we must learn how to deal with them.

A. RESPOND CONSTRUCTIVELY
Earlier, psychologist Dr. William Knaus was quoted as saying frustration can “stimulate positive change.” Resolve to let it do so. Work for positive change.

B. RELY ON THE LORD
“The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in the time of trouble” (Psalms 9:9).

To the oppressed, refuge is offered. There are many oppressed in our land. You are on occasion oppressed by circumstances or people. All of us are.

We are a generation that has been taught to demand its rights. No race of any generation has been so committed to demanding rights. Because of the popularity of this mentality, I know I make myself vulnerable to criticism for espousing a contrary concept. Let the Scripture speak for itself.

“Let each esteem others better than themselves” (Phil. 2:3).

“In honor preferring one another” (Romans 12:10).

Can you imagine Christ demanding His rights. “Here Peter, you take this towel and bowl and wash my feet. That’s your job – not mine.”

C. RESORT TO PRAYER
“Cast your burden on the Lord and He shall sustain you” (Psalms 55:22).

You can express frustrations to the Lord. He cares for you.

D. WAIT UPON THE LORD
Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn, the brilliant Russian literary genius, was imprisoned in a horrible Siberian camp because of his religious and political views.

Consider the emotional, cultural, financial, or educational prison in which you might presently be. He had no contact with the outside world and was subjected to strenuous work under adverse conditions.

His frustration drove him to consider suicide, but his faith would not allow it.

Earlier I quoted Dr. Knaus as saying frustration could have a “disorganizing effect on memory and behavior.” In that frustrated state Solzhenitsyn contrived a plan. “I will run in an attempt to escape. They will shoot me, but it will not be suicide.”

Frustration had driven him to the brink of self-destruction.

Just as he was about to spring up and run, another prisoner whom he had not seen before came and stood in front of him. Of this one Solzhenitsyn said, “He looked into my eyes as though he could read my thoughts.”

These prisoners were not even allowed to speak, so no words of encouragement were forthcoming. Then, with a stick, as though doodling, the unknown old prisoner drew a cross in the dirt and walked away.

Solzhenitsyn said, “I knew he was a messenger from God and that what I was doing was wrong. I settled down to trust God.”

It was a moment of unqualified trust. Little did he know at the moment that the impossible was about to happen. Within a few days he was a free man in Switzerland, having been miraculously released unexpectedly.

By not waiting on the Lord you may be about to prevent Him from doing a great and mighty work in your life.

“Wait on the Lord, run not before Him.”

Go On Worry, Prove It Doesn’t Work – Part Two

Simply stated, Jesus said, “Don’t ever worry.”

Worry is an attitude of mind that affects the body physically. Emotional instability causes physical deterioration. Jesus understood the destructive power of worry, and he knew that this negative mental attitude was detrimental to health.

Worry will fatigue every neuron in your psyche.

When you worry your adrenal gland is functioning so rapidly that your bloodstream cannot throw off the excess adrenaline.

Some medical authorities say that worry places more stress on the heart than any other stimulus, including physical exercise and/or fatigue. Some estimate that worry causes two-thirds of today’s physical illness. It contributes to high blood pressure, heart trouble, kidney disease, goiter, arthritis, headaches, and strokes. It can cause excessive perspiration, muscle tension, hyperventilation, abdominal pain, “butterflies,” nausea, and a quivering voice.

People who don’t know how to win over worry lose the battle for life. Worry results in phobias, neuroses, psychoses, psychophysiologic disorders. 

Worry in the extreme causes abulia — the loss of will power. Abulia is a word for a nervous breakdown.

Worry is like a soft bed, it is easy to get into and hard to get out of. 

Once a positive or negative pattern of thought is established, and this is often done early in life, it becomes instinctive to maintain it.

How then can we win over worry?

“Commit your works to the Lord and your thoughts will be established…” (Proverbs 16:3)

“Most gladly, therefore, will I rather glory in my infirmities that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” (II Cor. 12: 9b) Accept your limitations and liabilities and resolve to use them to the glory of the Lord.

“God has not given us a spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.” (II Tim. 1:7) Analyze your thoughts.

“Why are you cast down, O my soul? Why are you disquieted within me? Hope in God, for I shall yet praise Him for the help of His countenance.” (Psalms 42: 5)

“You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on you: because he trusts in you”(Isaiah 26:3).

“Casting all your care on Him, for He cares for you.” (I Peter 5:7). Worry, in effect says, “You lied, God.”

Settle the issue of eternity by placing your faith in Christ. Cast the care of your eternal destiny on the Lord. If you have never done this, don’t worry about it, just do.

Go On Worry, Prove It Doesn’t Work – Part One

A confluence of negative and troublesome issues have resulted in an outbreak of worry for many. None can be helped by worrying about them.

Jesus Christ knows human nature. He knows your tendency to worry. He is aware of your proclivity to be pessimistic and look on the dark side of most things. Knowing this He addressed the subject by posing a practical question showing the futility of worry: “Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature?” (Matthew 6: 17). In other words, worry changes nothing. Therefore, it doesn’t help.

Modern day behavioral psychologists have studiously observed people who worry and concluded the following:

• 40% of the things we worry about never happen.
• 30% have already happened.
• 12% relate unnecessarily to our own health.
• 10% pertain to miscellaneous minutia.
• 8% need our undivided attention and worry prevents this.

Mark Twain once wrote: “I am an old man and I have seen a lot of troubles, but most of them never happened.”

The Authorized King James version translates the Greek word  MERIMNAO “take no thought.” The Greek word has two parts which are MERIM, meaning “mind” and NAO, signifying “to divide.” Thus, the word speaks of a divided mind. That is what worry is, a divided mind. It means to fall to pieces. Oldtimers used to say, “I just fell to pieces.”

The reason MERIMNAO is translated “take no thought” in the AKJ and “worry” in the NKJ is because word meanings tend to change. To “take no thought” is what worry is, therefore it is so translated.

“A double-minded man is unstable in all his ways.” (James 1:8)

Worry divides our MIND, our UNDERSTANDING; therefore, we end up wishy-washy and confused.

Worry divides our DISCERNMENT; therefore, our observations and conclusions are cloudy.

Worry divides our FEELINGS and as a result our emotions are unstable.

One friend said to another, “No wonder you are always tired. You do everything three times. You worry about it before you do it. Then you do it. Then you worry about having done it.”

Worry is irreverent, for it fails to recognize God who gave us life as the one who sustains life. It is irrelevant in that it does not change anything.

It is irresponsible because it uses up time and burns up  energy without using it productively.

Worry is a medallion worn by those who have not yet concluded, “Jesus Christ will take care of me.” Prove you do believe He will by not worrying.

Faith, Your Structure for Life

Everything is going to be OK. In truth, I must say, they are not going to be. The good old days for which some of us long are gone and won’t return. We have set in motion conditions to keep things from being OK. That is a gloomy resolve, but even if it is wrong, as I would like it to be, it is good to be prepared.

Discipline often has collateral disciplinary effects. There were God fearing Jews among those deserving the discipline of exile who were also exiled.

Often the perimeter of discipline deserved by some inflicts some who don’t deserve it. No, things are not going to be OK, but you can be OK. Following is insight regarding how you can be OK in a not so OK world.

“Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” (Hebrews 11: 1) This is the starting point for ensuring you are OK even when things aren’t.

Faith is the “substance” on which believers stand. Our word substance is made up of two words meaning: “to stand” and “under.”  Substance is that which stands under us.  It is the superstructure of life. There will be times like there have always been when we don’t understand why things are like they are. That is when faith kicks in and sustains us. I’ve been there, haven’t you? Remember that the next time you are tempted to say, “Why God, why?” Faith worked then, it will work when….

Skeptics scoff at the idea of faith, yet they eat in restaurants, fly on planes, drive in the rain, undergo surgery, and take prescribed medicine. They drive an automobile and there is no way to prove the brakes will work the next time they are needed. We live by faith. It is the object of our faith that counts.

A refusal to live by faith is modern man’s way of attempting to deny God. Man became the measure of all things. Everything outside man’s experience or understanding is denied. Yet, they don’t understand how a sheep, cow, pig, and goose can eat grass in the same field and one grows wool, another hair, another bristles, and the other feathers? Yet, we believe it.

The Greek word for substance, hypostasis, is a scientific term opposed to theory or hypothesis. It is used to describe a chemical which settles to the bottom in a test tube. It is the primary element in the formula. Thus, faith is seen as primary to all of life.

“Evidence” is another word in the text in speaking of faith. It means proof.  Our faith is in the unseen, but not the unknown.

Faith is like a title deed to a property you own though have never seen it. You know you own it because you have the title. Faith is the title to God’s promise.

A photon illustrates this. Scientists believe in photons. Yet, they have never seen one. They only exist when traveling at the speed of light, 185,000 miles per second. At that speed they can’t be seen or photographed, yet scientists believe in them.

We live by faith. By it we can live well even in a world that appears to be falling apart. Study Scripture to be sure it, not the news of the day, is your superstructure. Remember. . . .

“You will keep him in perfect peace, Whose mind is stayed on You,

Because he trusts in You. Trust in the Lord forever, For in the Lord, is everlasting strength.” (Isaiah 26: 3,4) Make that your resolve for life. There is still a lot of good news to come the way of the person of faith.

Comfort To Be Sought

 “Comfort, comfort my people, says your God.”  (Isaiah 40:1)

This Facebook Page was begun with exactly that in mind. There have been and doubtless will be a few occasions when it has been felt commentary on political issues was expedient.

This passage was written right after a dark time in the life of Israel. Because of their sin God had turned His people over to be exiled by the cruel Babylonians. This had happened to them because of their sin. God always disciplines sin. 

Chapter 40 of Isaiah relates to their return to their home land. Having just returned, the prophet is called to share with them a message of comfort. They needed it and God provided. I love the Authorized King James translation of the passage, “Comfort ye, comfort ye My people.”

During the long exile the Lord had been absent from them as they endured their deserved discipline.

In verse 5 assurance is given “the glory of the Lord shall be revealed.” Oh, glorious day. How we conduct ourselves, our efforts to call His people to repentance, and our personal devotion should be such as to not deserve the discipline of the Lord on America with the result that the glory of the Lord that once was evidenced in America might once again be ours. 

Note some of the promises God made to them as reason for comfort for them. To do so he uses the analogy of a shepherd and his sheep.

• “His reward is with him, and his recompense before him.” (verse 10)

• “He will feed his flock like a shepherd, he will gather the lambs in his arms.” (verse 11)

• “He will “carry them in his bosom, and gently lead the mother sheep.” (verse 11)

We must find in our day reasons for comfort. List some things that comfort you. Write them down and thank the Lord for them.

I am comforted that there is a praying legion among us. Many people are praying that God will work so that there will be revival. In the life of our nation, as in the life of individuals, something of a dramatic nature will likely be needed causing a public need for the working of God in our lives. Though undesired, a traumatic event is often needed. If it results in a dramatic widespread revival, it will be worth it.

Then the comfort given Israel will be ours. “Speak tenderly to Jerusalem.

Tell her that her sad days are gone and her sins are pardoned.” WOW!

I am comforted that God’s children live in a bubble. It will not exempt us from difficulty, but it will ensure that the enabling presence of the Lord is with us.

May we so bear ourselves to our duty as to hear the lines from Handel’s Messiah  “Comfort, ye, comfort ye my people,” followed by the exaltation of . . . .

 “Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Praise ye the Lord.”