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A Spirit Controlled Temperament

Jesus Christ spoke of us being “born again.” Natural birth determines or nature. Being born again determines our new nature.

ROMANS 7: 18-20

The “I” in the text is the person’s soul, will, and mind.

The “sin” that dwells in us is our natural weaknesses that we, like every member of the fallen race, inherit from our parents. We all inherit such a basic temperament.

This inherent nature contains both strengths and weaknesses. It is called several things in the Bible: “the natural man,” “the flesh,” “the old man,” and “corruptible flesh.”

It is a basic impulse that seeks to satisfy our basic desires.

To understand this on going challenge an understanding of the difference in our temperament, character, and our personality is essential.

TEMPERAMENT is a combination of our inborn traits that subconsciously affects our behavior. Some factors are our nationality, race, sex, and other heredity factors. These are passed on by our genes. It is thought we inherit more of these traits for our grandparents than our parents. That is why some children look more like their grandparents than their parents.

The influence of nationality is seen by the way certain nationalities are perceived. Some nationalities are industrious, like the Jews; some thrifty, like the Scotts. Some are known to be more passionate than others, some more aggressive, and some more reserved.

One’s sex is influential. In general females are more intuitive and feeling than men.

CHARACTER is the real you. The Bible refers to it as “the hidden man of the heart.” It is sometime called “the soul” which consists of the mind, the emotions, and the will. It is the sum total of your childhood training, education, and basic attitude, beliefs, and motivations.

PERSONALITY is the outward expression of ourselves. It may or may not be the same as our character, depending on how honest we are.

Many people act a part they think people want them to play. When it is contrary to their true nature this results in emotional and mental pressure.

The Bible says, “man looks upon the outward appearance, but God looks on the heart,” and also, “out of the heart proceeds the issues of life.”

SUMMARY:

Temperament is the combination of traits with which we are born.

Character is our “civilized” temperament.

Personality is the “face” we show others.

Here is good news. Regardless of your temperament you can have a Spirit controlled temperament.

Dr. Henry Brandt, a leading Christian psychologists, once said, “You can use your background as an excuse for present behavior only until you receive Jesus Christ as your personal Lord and Savior. After that you have a new power within you that is able to change your conduct.” That is good news.

Many Christians never mature in Christ and benefit from develop this Spirit transformed temperament. It is what he Bible speaks of when it speaks of “being transformed by the renewing of your mind.”

The reason is they do not remain in an “abiding” relationship with Christ.

When a person receives Jesus as Savior they are given a “new nature” The Holy Spirit when allowed can enable this transformed new nature to become a persons true character.

Most people recognize two basic temperaments: introverts and extroverts. Actually there are four more definitive.

400 years before Christ a Greek philosopher, Hippocrates, concluded there are four types. His permeative understanding thought the types were a result of various body fluids:

“Blood”; “choler” or “yellow bile”; “melancholy” or “black bile”; and “phlegm.”

Hippocrates gave names to each type based on the body fluid which really has nothing to do with it. They are SANGUINE, CHOLERIC, MELANCHOLY, AND PHLEGMATIC.

These are basic temperaments. No person is just one of them. There is usually one predominant type but no person is a single-temperament type.

There are four grandparents and all four contribute to a grandchild’s temperament.. As the four types are considered evaluate which is your predominant type to understand your basic temperament and know your basic strengths and weaknesses. Consider some of the basic strengths and weaknesses of each of the four temperaments.

SANGUINE:

STRENGTHS: This person is enthusiastic and optimistic with the ability to forget the past and live in the present not frustrated by past disappointments and failures. A genuine love for people results in an outgoing cheerful temperament. Such a person has a tender and compassionate heart.

WEAKNESSES: This person is restless and thrives on activity . Being easily excited they often don’t tend to analyze the entire picture and don’t plan thoroughly. They find it difficult to concentrate even on the Scripture.

A person with this type temperament is often undisciplined and weak-willed, lacking in self-discipline.

This type temperament gets discouraged easily and tends to make excuses for conduct.

CHOLERIC:

STRENGTHS: These persons are usually self-disciplined with a tendency toward self-determination. They are confident in their ability and aggressive. Like Sanguine types they are perpetual motion only they tend to plan better. They doggedly stick with projects. They readily accept leadership roles and are aggressive.

This type person is optimistic, adventurous, and has a pioneering spirit.

WEAKNESSES: Persons with this temperament are not emotional and tends to lack compassion; unsympathetic. They prone to anger and are often revengeful. There is a tendency to run over people. Unless they are given strong moral standards they do not hesitate to break the law. Many of the world’s most depraved criminals and dictators has been Chloric.

MELANCHOLY:

STRENGTHS: A high percentage of genius-prone people are melancholy. There is a tendency to excel in arts and has appreciation for life’s true values. A standard of excellence exceeds that of others. They are inventive and creative. They have few friends but are faithful to those they do have. Such a person tends to know his limits.

WEAKNESSES: This is the most self-centered of the temperaments. Because of their perfectionism and self-analysis they are prone to be pessimistic. This makes them indecisive and fearful of making decisions. They are intolerant of others who fail to live up to their expectations of them. No one is prone to greater mood swings than the melancholy person.

This temperament type tends to have the greatest strengths and potentials but are also inclined to the greatest weaknesses.

PHLEGMATIC:

STRENGTHS: These individuals have a wonderful sense of humor. They have an inborn capacity to see the light side of life.

They are the embodiment of dependability. They fulfill their obligations of time and schedule. They are practical and efficient. They tend to find a practical way to accomplish objectives with the least effort.

WEAKNESSES: They are so easy going they are prone to be slow and lazy. They tend to do as little as necessary. They tend to be selfish and stubbornly resist change. All four temperaments tend to be selfish but those possessing this trait are the most selfish. They are indecisive because they don’t want to get involved.

Every weakness in each can be overcome by a transformed temperament. The negative traits can be overcome by a Spirit controlled temperament. The fruit of such a temperament is identified in Galatians 5: 22, 23, “The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, self-control….”

The Holy Spirit controlled temperament does not have weaknesses.

All these traits are traits of a Spirit controlled temperament, character, and personality.

Persons can fast, pray, and even give their bodies to be burned a the stake, but if they don’t evidence the fruit of the Spirit there’s is not a Spirit controlled temperament.

Upon committing our life to Christ as Savior we are spoken of in the Bible in several ways.

We are born again. Old things are passed away. We are new creatures in Christ. We are transformed.

It is easier to reach a goal if it is well defined and kept in mind. Make your goal is the manifesting of the nine facets known as the fruit of the Spirit. Note, “fruit” is single and the object plural. In 1610 when the King James was translated from Greek to English the time of harvest was call the time of fruiting. Thus, the text might better be read “the harvest of the Spirit.” We are not to cherry pick which of the nine we want to cultivate. All nine are to be manifest in our lives. Fix them in your mind by any means.

The mother of Coach Derick Dooley, Barbara, has one written individually on nine tile lining her kitchen counter. Do something to keep them before you. Memorize them. Repeat them to yourself when you awake during the night and in the morning. Use a can of spray paint and write them on the wall in your house.

Though we are to manifest all nine to start with start with the first one, “love” and concentrate on consciously showing it all day in your life.

The next day and so on concentrate on including another as your conscious effort of the day.

Consider Romans 12: 1, 2. “I beseech you….” “Beseech” PARAKALO (pa-ra-ka-layo) primarily means to come along side of. It is a positive offer of encouragement. It means to speak tenderly.

This appeal is made on the basis of the highest motivation, “the mercy of God.”

“Be not conformed,” means “Don’t let the world around you squeeze you into its mold.” It is present passive imperative plus a negative meaning “Stop being molded to the realm of worldliness.”

If you are a Christian and you fellowship with the world and act like the world you are wearing camouflage to deceive the world.

A few brief short ventures into enemy territory, that is the world, and soon you are acting like the world.

To avoid conforming to the world it is essential to exercise one of the fruit of the Spirit. It is “self-control.”

The process is described in I Corinthians 9:27: “I discipline my body and bring it into subjection, lest, when I have preached to others, I myself should become disqualified (a castaway).”

To do this make your body a “living sacrifice.” There were basically two types of sacrifices. One led to reconciliation. That is the one Jesus made. The other sacrifice was one of celebration for reconciliation.

Christ made the first sacrifice. Out of gratitude we make one to Him.

This is a process of transformation. Romans 12: 2 instructs us to “be transformed.” A transformer changes things such as electric current. It makes electricity useful.

The Greek word for “transformed” is METAMORPHOSIS (MET-MA-FAH-O), meaning changed.

When you commit your life to Christ you are born again and become a new creature with a new nature. Describe water bugs in Louisiana swamp.

I have a friend in Chicago who developed a product that makes your car more comfortable. The engin of a car makes noise. The wheels and other sounds under a car as it travels makes noise. He devised and sold to auto manufacturers a product that reduces the noise by transformation. It is put on the firewall between passengers and the engin. It is also put on the floorboard of the car. Noise hits the surface on one side and when it comes out on the other side it is dissipated and comes out as heat. Sound is transformed into heat.

Christ is our transformer. Your old nature will respond just like that of people of the world unless you allow Christ to transform you.

How do you do it? By the renewing of your mind. Many need a complete make over, a reprogramming of the mind. This renovation of your mind is in large part done by what you read, hear, or see as well as what you will not read, hear, or see.

It is both an act and a process. We begin it with an act of commitment and we maintain it on and ongoing basis. Aretha Franklin sang, “You gotta have a made up mind.”

Sir Edmund Hillary, the first to climb Mount Everest speaking of climbing at great heights where the oxygen is rare noted the mind has a tendency to wander. He said therefore, “Before you leave the base camp you must have a made up mind.”

Living in our rarified moral climate we must have a made up mind also.

Commit yourself to this simple philosophy;

I am IN HIS KEEPING.

UNDER HIS TRAINING

FOR HIS TIME.

The objective of the Christian life is to find and do the “perfect will of God.” There are many reasons why. Two are noted: It is “good” and “acceptable.”

We Are Losing The Cultural War

JESUS CHRIST said, “You are the light of the world. A city that is set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do they light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a lamp stand, and it gives light to all who are in the house. Let your light shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven” (Matthew 5: 14 – 16).The word has never proposed a more ominous “basket” under which to extinguish “the light of the world.” We are losing the cultural war.

Once the chorus singing of moral and spiritual values was compromise of ministers, teachers, neighbors, and community leaders. Now it is composed of Madonna, Brittany, Bart Simpson, rap groups, and celebrities pushing sneakers.

The evangelists of today are secularist and they are preaching immorality, not traditional morality. They are winning converts.

What does it mean to say we are losing the cultural war? It means we are seeing the designed and disciplined destruction of our culture’s moral system. There is a dramatic erosion of public morality and a dissipation of long-standing classic cultural qualities.

Just one area of society proves this. A parallel between the seven top school problems of the 1940s and the 1990s shows how far we have declined.

IN THE 1940’S THE SEVEN PRIMARY PROBLEMS WERE:
1. Talking in class
2. Chewing gum
3. Making noise
4. Running in halls
5. Cutting in line
6. Dress code violations
7. Littering

IN THE 2000’S THE SEVEN PRIMARY PROBLEMS ARE:
1. Drug abuse
2. Alcohol abuse
3. Pregnancy
4. Suicide
5. Rape
6. Robbery
7. Assault

Not a one from the 1940s is even considered important enough to be listed. Not a one from the 2000s could have even been thought to someday be a school problem.

Another example relates to the expression, “America has a Judeo/Christian heritage.” The governor of Mississippi used that statement recently and the public protest by anti-Christian bigots was so strong he had to publicly apologize. Yet, our Supreme Court once included in a ruling, “America is a Christian nation.”

There is such a strong effort to erode all traces of true history related to our Christian heritage that the idea that America was once a Christian nation comes under attack.

Barbara Dafoe Whitehead, a research associate at the Institute for American Values, interviewed numerous middle class parents and concluded: “A common complaint I heard from parents was their sense of being overwhelmed by the culture. They felt their voice was a lot weaker. Parents see themselves in a struggle for the hearts and minds of their own children.”

We are unequivocally losing the cultural war. Why isn’t something being done? What can we do? I am glad you asked.

The reason somebody isn’t doing something is found answered in an incident that allegedly occurred on a sinking ship. As people rushed around seeking safety while alarms sounded, one fellow sat in a deck chair reading a book. As someone rushed by they said, “Man, why are you just sitting there reading? Don’t you know this ship is sinking?”

With a shrug the man replied, “Well, it’s not MY SHIP!”

Hear these similar responses:
“I don’t have any children in school; why should I be concerned about what is taught?”
“Abortion doesn’t affect my family; why should I get involved?”
“My family has well established sexual preferences; why should I be concerned about gay rights activists and pending legislation?”

Another reason it seems no one is doing anything is our accommodating nature. Have you every noticed how your body adjusts to changes in temperature? Have you ever noticed the ability of your eyes to adjust to a change in light? Have you ever stopped to consider the ability of your nose to accommodate a new unpleasant odor? Even the most offensive odor that at first tends to insult your sense of smell soon isn’t noticed. This is true of going to a town where there is a paper mill. Soon it isn’t noticed.

The same is true morally. We tend to get used to moral decay. That which formerly offended your moral standards now is accepted. Our conscience, like our sense of smell, adjusts to that which at first is offensive. We must renew our sensitivity.

Why doesn’t the church do something? It is not the job of the church to change society. It has the responsibility to change individuals. It is then the responsibility of these changed individuals to change society. It is time that you become an activist.

If you do it with intellect and integrity expect to get bashed. Don’t be surprised when you are. Jesus said, “In this wheelwright you will have tribulation…”

He also said, “Blessed are you when men shall revile you and persecute you, and say all manner of evil against you falsely for My sake…”

Expect to be bashed and wear it like a badge of honor. Don’t become intimidated.

Don’t expect to be complimented by the world and don’t grow weary in well doing. I have written editorials in several newspapers each week for over 36 years. During that time there has been one letter to the editor supporting a moral issue I espoused. There have been hundreds bashing me. You know what many Christians do about it? They say to me, “Did you read the letter to the editor attacking your position?”

The answer is always “NO.” The reason is, they are always negative. Why don’t Christians write letters supporting positive positions?
Now is the time to set up your office as a Christian activist. Here are some steps.

1. Purchase stationary and stamps to be used exclusively in your ministry as an activist correspondent.

2. Establish a filing system on issues of interest.

3. Study the nighttime radio talk show listings and listen. Call in and express yourself. Few sane and sensible Christians dare to do so because the host will be hostile. Know they are and expect it. Don’t let them intimidate or anger you.

4. Call and write the office of public officials as they deliberate issues. Do both, call and write. A letter is really more effective whereas a call is more immediate. Both are needed.

5. Establish your intended schedule of output. How many letters and/or calls do you propose to write or make a week? Keep a record and don’t quit.

6. When you call or write any paper, public official, radio or TV station practice the “C” Factor. Always be: Clear, Concise, Courteous, and Composed.

7. Attend legislative, school board, and commission hearings on important matters.

8. Inform and enlist others to do as you are doing. Multiply your effort.

9. Decide on which hills you are willing to die. That is, not all battles are yours. Some are worthy of your efforts and some worthy of the efforts of others. Don’t become critical of fellow activists who choose battles other than your own.

For example, I am pro-life and an activist in this arena. I helped establish a Women’s Pregnancy Center and a home for unwed mothers. So pro-life persons attack me because I don’t march with them. Let them march and I will pray for them. But let me do what they aren’t doing and sponsor homes and centers to alleviate the problem.

Paul said, “I have fought the good fight…” This means I have fought a fight worth fighting. Pick your fights. You can’t fight all of them but be sure you pick one worthy of you fighting it.

10. Be a model living example of your professed faith. Don’t put yourself in the position of one compromising Christian who was told by a nonbeliever, “You are no different from the rest of us. So what am I to be converted to?”

Thankful Living

I THESSALONIANS 5: 16 – 18

JESUS CHRIST had a word for unthankful people. He was very select in choosing the proper descriptive word for ingrate. In addressing the ungrateful farmer, whose bumper crop overfilled his barns, Jesus said to him, “Thou fool…” The Greek word employed by Dr. Luke (12:20) was APHRON, meaning “the lack of common sense perception,” or signifying “without reason.” It is simply reasonable to be thankful.Our predecessors knew this and set aside a special day, called Thanksgiving, for the purpose of acknowledging thanks to God.

President George Washington issued the following presidential proclamation in 1789:

“Whereas it is the duty of all nations to acknowledge the providence of Almighty God, to obey His will, to be grateful for His benefits, and humbly implore His protection and favor–and Whereas both Houses of Congress have by their joint committee requested me to recommend to the people of the United States a day of public thanksgiving and prayer, to be observed by acknowledging with grateful hearts the many signal favors of Almighty God…”

It sounds like our first president knew the difference between separation of church and state and the employment of Biblical principles by a Christian statesman.

President Lincoln established Thanksgiving in 1863 as a national holiday specifically to give thanks to God for the blessings we have received during the previous year.

Today a concerted effort is being made by the National Association for the Education of Young Children, which is composed of thousands of preschool and elementary teachers. They have published an “Anti-bias Curriculum” that attacks the holiday. This organization urges teachers to focus on the plight of Native Americans. “Talk about what is fair and unfair, what helps us learn about Native Americans, what hurts their feelings.” This is a virtuous thing to do, but not at the expense of debasing one of our major holidays.

Other efforts to downplay the true meaning of the holiday urge teachers to emphasize the day as one in which the Pilgrims met with the Native Americans to thank them for their help.

In all of these efforts the true Christian faith of those who initiated and inaugurated the holiday is omitted.

Jesus said it is “mindless,” the practice of a “fool” not to give thanks. Therefore, to be wise, we should employ regularly the three principles stated in our text. The three we relate to are all internal aspects of inner life. We must have:

I. THE CAPACITY TO EXPRESS JOY (VS. 16 “REJOICE ALWAYS”)
First, notice at the end of verse 18, these are “the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.” That is, God want’s you to do them. In each of these the modifier comes emphatically before the verb: Always rejoice, Continually pray, in everything give thanks.

Centuries earlier the prophet Nehemiah (8:10) said of Israel, in one of their greatest times of difficulty, “The joy of the Lord is thy strength.”

The angelic messenger shouted, “Joy to the world the Lord has come.” This isn’t a bonfire-pep-rally-kind-of-energy-of-the-flesh elation that soon fades. Neither is it a type of self-delusion brought about by not facing reality. Nor is it the synthetic kind mirrored by fake smiles and quoted slogans. It is a calm, consistent sense of well-being because all is well with the Father, even if ALL isn’t well in your world.

All was not well with the Christians who initially received this letter. They had “received the word in much affliction, with joy in the Holy Spirit” (I Thess. 1: 6). Notice they had “much affliction.” They are described in 2:14 as having “also suffered.”

The exhibition of joy amid suffering was one of the distinctive traits of the young church. It still characterizes a Spirit-filled believer.

This command is an imperative statement, an appeal to the will. It reminds us that we are in part responsible for maintaining an outlook filled with joy. It reminds us that Christian joy is not totally dependent upon externals but is a result of the internal presence of the Holy Spirit and His being given control of our attitude.

Don’t be disappointed with yourself if you have had difficult times and have failed to rejoice. However, never be content to let such a spirit characterize you. For a Christian to remain sad, negative, or in a complaining mood is to break a command. It shows a basic mistrust of God: either His love, wisdom, or power.

To be around some people, even on their good days, is as cheering as witnessing an autopsy, or diving into an icy lake. Don’t let the glow and glory of your today be polluted by the garbage of someone’s gloom. Don’t live in the valley of the humdrum. Move up to the mountains of joy.

Before His ascension our beloved Lord said, “These things I have spoken to you, that My joy may remain in you, and that your joy may be full” (John 15: 11).

The elderly Apostle John wrote, “These things we write to you that your joy may be full” (I John 1:4).

Based on these statements it is self-apparent that joy is in part dependent upon having a Bible orientation, NOT a world view.

II. THE CONFIDENCE TO ENGAGE IN PRAYER (VS. 17 “PRAY…)
Prayer is the natural consequence of friendship with God.

Thoreau said, “Most men lead lives of quiet desperation.” Perhaps this is true. For those of whom it is true, it is a revelation they have not established the right friendship with God.

To “pray without ceasing” doesn’t mean continuously occurring, BUT constantly reoccurring. It means never to hang up the receiver, even if you are not talking. It means to always have your antenna up. Our practice of prayer may be intermittent but the spirit of prayer must be incessant.
Constant prayer causes our mind to conceive and the child brought forth is WISDOM.

In times of crisis, we are prone to resort to prayer. In the Cuban missile crisis, America faced pending disaster. Russian-made missiles in Cuba were found aimed at our cities. A naval blockade was set up. Confrontation seemed inevitable. People rushed to stores to stock up on medicine, food, and batteries. President Kennedy in an address to the nation appealed to all people to pray “in your homes, churches, and schools.” Even schools! Yes, crisis forgets about improper laws. If we will pray in crisis, why not in celebration.

If you are ever on a flight preparing for a crash and the pilot has time you will hear the following:
“We are beginning our final descent. At this moment, in accordance with International Aviation Codes established at Geneva, it is my obligation to inform you that if you believe in God you should commence prayer.”

Don’t wait for a nose dive to pray.

Self-confidence apart from the right relationship with the Lord is one of our greatest hindrances. Associated-confidence is a sure way to victorious living. By this is meant, aligning yourself with the will of the Father through prayer.

For example, the failure of Simon Peter, at the time of the betrayal of Christ, could not be attributed to insincerity or a lack of zeal. In good faith he loved Jesus. In good faith he would have died for Him. His failure grew out of a prayerless heart in the garden. As a result, he trusted his own strength to do what his own will dictated. If he had obeyed His Lord and prayed, this self-deception would have been avoided.

God is not likely to grant you the good things you yourself desire if you don’t even ask Him for them.

III. THE CAPACITY TO ACKNOWLEDGE PRAISE (VS. 18 “GIVE THANKS”)
The word “praise” is derived from the Latin word “preisier” which means to prize. Therefore, praise is the recognition of the worth and merit of our God. To praise is to prize.

Often the most beautiful praise comes from the bleakest circumstances. The decade of the 1669s in England was filled with disaster. The plague in 1665 resulted in the death of over 70,000 people in London. A year later in an attempt to destroy some plague infested areas by fire a city wide fire broke out that destroyed most of the city. The prophets of doom and gloom predicted the city and England would never recover.

During all of this a godly Christian man — Bishop Thomas Ken — kept encouraging the people that he could still see the light of God’s purpose and presence even through all this.

He felt compelled to write a song expressing his deep conviction that God was still sovereign and worthy of praise. He wrote and we still sing:

“Praise God from whom all blessings flow,

Praise Him all creatures here below,

Praise Him above ye heavenly host.

Praise Father, Son and Holy Ghost.”

Praise is not an option to those who want to please God. He said it is His “will,” that is, what He wants of us.

Praise spares us the pain of a bloated ego. When we learn to pass on to the Lord all the praise we receive, we are blessed.

Praise is rooted in the confidence that God can use all things for good. Those who realize that blessings often come wrapped in burdens can give thanks “in everything.”

Alexander Solzhenitsyn, as a Russian dissident was imprisoned in Siberia. He wrote of that horror:
“It was only when I lay there on rotting prison straw that I sensed within myself the first stirrings of good. Gradually, it was disclosed to me that the line separating good and evil passes, not through states, nor classes, nor political parties, but right through all human hearts. So, bless you, prison, for having been in my life.” What are the “prisons” in your life, presently, for which you need to praise the Lord?

That little preposition “in” (en) means to give thanks “in connection with everything.” Knowing this prevents us from facing the adversities of life with gritted teeth, and enables us to face them with grateful hearts.

The fact that “this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you” does not mean you have to do it, but that you can do it at all times. There are many things we can’t do, but this we can do. You can pull yourself out of the shadows of life into the sunlight of His love by prayer. Often a Psalm begins by the writer describing himself as being in a state of despondency. Read on! As he begins to praise the Lord in this state, it is as though his spirit takes wings and soars in joy. The dove of joy rises on the wings of prayer and praise.

If circumstances leave you with little obvious in them for which to praise the Lord, take an imaginary walk around Calvary. Look into the eyes of Jesus. Listen to His quivering, but acquitting voice saying, “Father, forgive them.” Remember the crown of thorns. Then tell yourself, “All this was done for me.” See if that gives you something for which to praise Him.

Life In The Parent – Child War Zone

PHILIPPIANS 1: 6

JESUS CHRIST “increased in wisdom and statue, and in favor with God and man” (Luke 2: 52). That is the intended growth pattern for all of us.

We are to grow:
INTELLECTUALLY (in wisdom), PHYSICALLY (statue), SPIRITUALLY (with God), and SOCIALLY (with man).
When a person does there develops a well balanced life.

When a parent holds a new born child and gazes into its eyes they are looking at a candidate for a personality. Though the child is born with a basic temperament that is all its own, the parent does much to influence the developing personality. Because of knowing this many parents feel unable to cope, inadequate, full of self-doubt, unprepared to make the child feel loved and secure, and inevitably guilty.

Approximately 77 billion people have lived on this earth and still we feel inadequate to rear children. There was a day when grandparents were around to impart practical knowledge based on shared values. Today, in their absence, a plethora of books offer advice on how to rear children. Some of these are completely contrary to Scripture and yet sound plausible.

In the old West a cowboy came upon an Indian with his ear pressed to the ground and heard him mutter: “Wagon! Three people. Two men, one woman. Four horses. One black, three dapple. Wagon going west.”
The cowboy asked, “Can you tell all that by just listening to the sounds vibrating in the earth?”
“No,” said the Indian, “they run over me.”

Parents does that sound like you? Do you feel like you have been run over by your children? Have you resorted to anything that will work for the moment?

In his recent book, Parenting Isn’t for Cowards, Dr. James Dobson divided children into two groups as a result of an extensive survey involving over 35,000 households. The book resulted from his earlier book entitled, The Strong Willed Child.

Incidentally, one of Dr. Dobson’s staff members told me recently of some of the difficulty they have in people ordering items. One wrote requesting a copy of The Strong Wild Child.

Another wanted a copy of Parenting Isn’t for Cows.

One lady wrote, “I didn’t receive my copy of ‘Romance after Marriage.'” The reply, “We are sorry you didn’t receive ‘Romance After Marriage,’ we are sending a substitute.”

Intending to request a copy of “Men in Mid-life Crisis,” a listener asked instead for a copy of “Men in Mid-Night Crisis.”

A number of things affect a child’s development. John Curtis, cofounder of The Orlando Consulting Group, offers a mini profile as a way of helping identify traits of children.

Before listing these I want to fix the fact there are many exceptions to these basic rules. Knowing the tendencies can help compensate.

Firstborn: They are reared with duties, responsibilities, and expectations. As adults they tend to be leaders and occupy supervisory roles.
Middle Child: They tend to be good children that don’t often get into trouble. They are seldom first and rarely last at anything. As adults they don’t need much guidance or praise. They are good negotiators.
Baby: The youngest child tends to be creative, rebellious and spoiled. As adults they aren’t comfortable with much supervision because they didn’t get as much as their older siblings.
Only Child: Like the baby, they tend to be rebellious and creative. As adults they can tend to be difficult to manage because they are use to getting their way.

Meanwhile, back to the book. In his recent book Dobson groups children into two temperament categories with a great degree of difference in each group.

One is the COMPLIANT child. This child lives to please. If you have such a child thank the Lord.
Only 14% of them defy their parents even in an insignificant manner. Of those who did it was only for a short time. Of these compliant children 91% do not become difficult even during the terrible twos. Even during teen years only 17% become rebellious. The other is the STRONG WILLED child. Such a child is a challenge. 40% of them rebel as toddlers. The percentage rises during every stage of adolescence, reaching a peak of 74% in the teen years.

The survey divided children into five categories: VERY COMPLIANT, RATHER COMPLIANT, AVERAGE, RATHER STRONG-WILLED, VERY STRONG-WILLED. Of the 35,000 surveyed those over 30 months of age revealed 74% were very strong-willed and 24% were very compliant.

Both types of children need love and acceptance. Neither is likely to change type. Therefore, each must be dealt with differently. The strong willed child requires more discipline. This child is likely to see it if a sibling isn’t getting as much discipline. It should be calmly explained that it is the conduct that is being disciplined not just the person. If the sibling engages in the same conduct the same discipline will be given. This helps the child come to realize certain behavior results in given discipline.

WHAT IS A PARENT TO DO?
1. RECOGNIZE AND ACCEPT DIFFERENCES.
An amazing degree of diversity can exist between children of the same parents. Accept their differences and don’t make comparisons.

No two children are reared in the same home. Consider a given age of 5. Two siblings with an age difference of three years pass through the home at age five in different years and things have changed. The family might have even moved. The income level and/or schedule of the parents may have changed. For what ever reason no two children are reared in the same home.

2. ASSUME CONTROL EARLY IN LIFE.
Some doctor’s advocate not feeding infants when they cry. Instead establish feeding times and let the child learn to wait. Within a very few days the child learns. Learns what? Learns that it is not in control. The parent is. Otherwise the child starts off feeling that certain behavior gets desired response from parents. Thus, the child in is charge from the beginning.

Here is something parents might not want to know but need to know. A baby placed in substitute care, even very good care, for over 20 hours a week, is at risk psychologically. Children need the “emotional accessibility” of a parent with deep concern.

A recent study revealed that 8% of the child care for babies and infants is unsuitable and 40% is substandard. If child care must be used study the environment in which your child will be. The parent is responsible for conquering the will and bringing it to an obedient temperament. This necessitates informing the understanding of the child. Time is required and consistency is a must. By failing to give timely correction, stubbornness is cultivated and encouraged. Parents are instructed in God’s Word to “Train up a child in the way it should go.”

Psychologist say children aren’t born knowing how to love, but with a capacity to receive and experience love. In other words, they have to have it modeled for them by their parents. If a child doesn’t get it in infancy they grow up without knowing how to love.

Every willful act of disobedience must be dealt with proportionately. This is the only thing that will insure a child’s future happiness. This is not to suggest harshness, but it is to encourage consistent firmness.

Early childhood education should begin in the home. The three “R’s” should be taught at home and early in life. They are: RESPECT, RESPONSIBILITY, AND RESOURCEFULNESS.

3. IF YOU HAVE A VERY COMPLIANT CHILD DON’T PICK FIGHTS.
Some parents anticipate difficulty and transfer feelings stimulated by strong-willed children toward compliant ones. Don’t. Give your child, whether strong willed or compliant, standards as a challenge. This is especially good for the free time of summer.

Set standards in four categories:
PHYSICAL, such as, run a mile in a predetermined time.
SPIRITUAL, have the child memorize certain Scripture with predetermined rewards.
INTELLECTUAL, set a goal of reading a Christian biography and writing a report on it for a bonus.
PRACTICAL, if your child is old enough let him or her plan a family outing all by his or her self.

4. KEEP YOUR SENSE OF HUMOR.
I heard one mother tell of hearing her two children laughing and squealing uncontrollably in the kitchen. She burst in and they were slinging their Jell-O all over the place. She said her first instinct was to descent on them in a rage. However, instantly it struck her as funny. Instead she got a spoon and joined them in flipping Jell-O against the wall. After it was over they cleaned it up together and agreed it was fun, but shouldn’t be done again.

5. CULTIVATE AN ATMOSPHERE OF FAITH.
“Bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord” (Eph. 6:4).

Failure to do so is about to bankrupt our society spiritually. Well over 2,000,000 cases of child abuse are reported each year. Statistics show more twins are being born today. When that was shared with a third grade class one child responded, “I guess more twins are being born because little children are afraid to come into the world alone.”

Read Bible stories. Pray together. Make Christ real and personal by example. What they see is what they hear.

Learning How To Love

I JOHN 4: 7 – 11

JESUS CHRIST said, “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another: By this shall all men know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another” (John 13: 34,35).

Jesus Christ and His teachings tower over the landscape of human life and history as Mount Everest would on a Florida beach.

Frogs now chirp in the tall grass that grows where the voices of powerful men once were heard on the sight of the ancient city once known as “Babylon the Great.”

The splendor of Rome where her senate once debated the fate of the world now lies in ruins.

The artistic beauty of the greatly admired Athens has atrophied. Her philosopher’s voices silenced.

Yet, the teachings of Christ still influence more people in our contemporary society than all their wisdom combined. Why?

A statement attributed to Napoleon Bonaparte gives us our answer: “The Caesar’s, Kahn’s, and Pharaoh’s kingdoms have failed. For we have built our kingdoms by the sword, but the kingdom of Christ was built on love.”

The magazine “Psychology Today” recently ran a feature article on “The Ideal Man.” The article was a report on an extensive written survey involving a vast cross segment of Americans. Among men and women the ideal man identified by their readers was Jesus Christ. His personal love for us and His teaching about love endears Him to millions.

There is a contemporary line, “Everybody loves a lover.”

Love has spawned a new industry. Immediately after December 25, stores start putting up Valentines decorations. Flowers, candy, and cards attest of professed love. Tradition says there was a saintly individual named Valentine who around 449 AD was imprisoned for not worshiping pagan gods. On the eve of his execution he sent a note to the jailor’s daughter who had befriended him expressing his appreciation. He signed it “Your Valentine.” Allegedly that was the first of many Valentine cards. With words varying from sentiment to humor, love is expressed. Words such as: “Roses are red, violets are blue. Your mother was beautiful, what happened to you?

Everybody loves to be loved. To be loved you have to love. Back comes the weary question, “How do you love?”.

First, in our confused society we would do well to define love. The New Testament word for it most often used is AGAPE. It is selfless love such as God has for us. It is unconquerable benevolence, invincible good will. The love of which I speak is not an emotion to be aroused. It is a principle we deliberately live by. It is a spontaneous self-giving without regard for merit.

AGAPE love was a word and embodying an attitude that packed a spiritual wallop. It transformed millions of people around the world into persons willing to die for their convictions. At the same time it aroused millions of bloodthirsty persecutors, eager to eradicate those who believe in the power of this word.

Now the question “How can I learn to love?”

Psychologists tell us that babies are not born knowing how to love. However, they do have the capacity to receive love, to experience it. In effect they have to learn to love by observation and experience how they are loved.

If a child does not experience it from parents, it dramatically influences the child. Dr. Rene Spitz of New York University has studied many children living in secular orphanages and concludes that unloved children are much slower in development. Love is not only a part of our development, it aids our total development.

It is said we learn how to love from the parent of the same sex, and we learn who to love from the parent of the opposite sex. Ideally we learn to love from our parents. With a breakdown in the traditional family and with so many poor role models for children to relate to, more and more people are finding it difficult to learn how to love.

How are children growing up on a battlefield going to learn to love? How can adults learn to love? One of my dear adult companions who had no home life as a child told me of how he never knew who his dad was and how he seldom saw his mother. He grew up not only without proper parental role models but without Christ. After he was saved he said, “I never knew what love meant. I had a wonderful wife, but I never really knew how to love her until I was saved. I learned the real meaning of love when I met Jesus.”

Enrollment is now open for a short course in how to learn to love. There is a way to learn to love even in an environment devoid of parental love. Knowing of the breakdown of role models, Jesus stepped in and demonstrated His special kind of love.

You may be the product of a parentless home or a home where two adults you called parents reared you without love, BUT you can learn to love. Regardless of your age you can learn to love the same way a child is supposed to learn, that is, by feeling and seeing how you are loved. In this case, how you are loved by Jesus Christ.

The Bible says, “God is love.” It doesn’t simply say, “God loves.” He does, of course; but the point is He is love. To learn to love go to the source and experience His love. By doing so you can learn to love.

Notice in our text of I John 4: 19 the process: “We love…because He first loved us.” That is an electrifying one-line summary of how to learn to love. Christ has shown us the true meaning of love by loving us. By experiencing His love we learn how to love. When we commit our life to Christ, we begin to experience His love; and it spontaneously shows in our relationships with others. Three prominent traits of His love for us are noted in our text. As a result of knowing and experiencing these characteristics of love, we spontaneously learn how to love.

“He who does not love does not know God, for God is love” (Vs. 8). Conversely, when you come to know God through Jesus Christ, you have enrolled in a life-long course in how to love.

I. CHRIST’S LOVE IS UNCONDITIONAL
That is hard for most persons to realize. We tend to put conditions on our acceptance of people. Two obvious reasons why we find it hard to love come into focus in this regard.

* We set standards we want people to come up to so that we can love them. We don’t really love them; we love their good qualities. As miraculous as it is God loves you just as you are. If He loves us, we can learn to love others. READ and APPLY Ephesians 4: 30 – 32.

* A second reason it is hard to love is that we know ourselves so well. We know all the deep dark secrets about our self that are so unlovely that we can hardly believe anyone would love us. We develop defenses to keep people at a distance so they won’t really discover what we are truly like.

Some persons have such a deep need for love that they don’t want people to know their unlovable qualities. After all without the love of Christ as our standard we don’t love people if they aren’t lovable. Some people need love so badly they dare not reveal an imperfection in themselves. Thus, they become defensive and refuse to admit error. This results in a self-righteous attitude. It consequences in persons destroying the very people with which they most want a good relationship.

Some persons try to camouflage their true nature with flashy expensive clothes, fad food habits and dining places, titles, position, and appearance. God doesn’t love you because of what you have or do, but because He is love. Some persons go through life very insecure because they feel they must earn God’s love. They translated this into personal relationships and feel they must earn the love of people also. This makes it difficult for them to accept love because they don’t feel they deserve it.

Can you accept the fact you are accepted even though you are unacceptable?

Parents have you been putting conditions on your child which must be met before you will love him or her? Children is the reverse true? We are to love one another as Christ loved us. How is that? Unconditionally!

Once you begin to love in this way you are a model of love to which the object of your love can better relate.

“We love because Christ first loved us.” If you become a “first lover,” you will find those around you sooner or later will catch on.

II. CHRIST’S LOVE IS UNRESTRICTED
Our love for God and others is directly related, verse 20. By the quality of our love, we reveal God’s love to others. It is imperative that we who call ourselves Christians put God’s love for us into action and love others.

This doesn’t mean we will instantly start to feel warm and friendly toward everybody. Feelings aren’t the center or the circumference of Christian love. Love and affection, even romance, aren’t necessarily the same thing.

Our Christian love is demonstrated by doing for others what Christ has done for us. That means we learn to accept others with all their faults and failures. We accept them even when we can’t approve of what they are doing. God loves you though He might totally disapprove of some things you are doing.

The old cliche is true, “God loves the sinner, but He hates the sin.” You may disapprove of something someone is doing while still showing God’s love for them. That is unrestricted love.
“…if God loved us … we ought to love one another.”

III. CHRIST’S LOVE IS UNINHIBITED
“In this the love of God was manifested toward us…” The word “manifested” means it came out into the open and was made public. Calvary is a bold manifestation of His love.

The Greek word in verse 10 translated “propitiation” isn’t in the working vocabulary of most people. “Propitiation” means the satisfying of God’s holy law. It doesn’t mean we have done something to satisfy God and make ourselves acceptable to God. It means God has lovingly done something making us acceptable to Himself.

Verse 9 explains what: “God has sent His only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through Him.”

Do you want to learn to love. First, realize loving is giving and receiving. Are you willing to receive God’s love? Can you accept the fact you are accepted even though unacceptable?

God’s love is so unrestricted that He gave His only begotten Son, Jesus, for you. Now, are you ready to give God your love?