2000 Sermons

Foundations for the Storms of Life 10/8/00

JESUS CHRIST offers stability. Life has its storms, but Christ gives the believer a stable foundation amid the storm.

After a major hurricane had swept the Gulf of Mexico, I visited with a friend on an off-shore oil rig. I noticed it was supported by three massive shafts which were anchored on the floor of the Gulf. Those three columns represented three support factors in our Christian experience.

Consider Abraham as Exhibit “A” of the three factors supporting every believer.

I. CALLING

When Abraham was called he obeyed. To understand the N.T. better, get to know Abraham better. He was the Father of the Jewish and Arab nations. As God called him, so He has called us.

A. He has called us to salvation. I Peter 5:10, “He has called us to His excellent glory.”

The Greek word translated “called” is KALEO, meaning “SUMMONSED.” A summons means cease and desist whatever you are doing and comply with the instruction of this summons. God has summonsed us to Heaven. If anyone doesn’t go they have refused to comply with His desire.

B. He has called us to sanctification.

I Thess. 4:3, “For this is the will of God, your sanctification…” The Greek root is HAGIOS. It is the word for HOLY. It sound almost spooky to say the word.

If you were to use a crayon to color holiness, what color would you choose? Some would select dull gray or dark black because “holiness” evokes drabness or dullness to many people. Some might choose white. Perhaps it them it means absolute purity – no strains or glitches. Perhaps there are those who would choose a combination of camouflage colors so as to disguise it. I would choose the colors of the rainbow because true holiness and sanctification convey the image of beauty and joy.

Actually, sanctification and holiness simply mean “set aside for God’s use.” II Timothy 2:20, 21 speaks of household vessels as an illustration. For example, a trumpet is sanctified, set aside, to be sued as a musical instrument. A cheerleader might try to use it as a megaphone, but it wouldn’t work. A person hard of hearing might try to use it as an aid for hearing, but it wouldn’t work. A home maker might try to use to as a vase, but it would leak. It fulfills is function as a musical instrument. That is what it is set aside for.

In Olympic competition athletes are sanctified. That is, each is set aside to do a certain thing. America thrilled to see Laura Wilkinson perform off the 10-meter diving platform. In winning the gold medal her radian was contagious. This 22 year old mastered her event and rejoiced to quote Philippians 4:13, “I can do all things through Christ, which strengthens me.” She was a successful sanctified, set aside, for the 10-meter diving competition.

In yet another venue the young behemoth from Wyoming, Rulon Gardner, was winning his gold medal as the Super-Heavyweight Greco-Roman Wrestler by defeating the Russian Alexander Karelin. The 300 pound Rulon was set aside to wrestle.

Now, switch the two roles. Let Laura represent us in the Super-Heavyweight Greco-Roman wrestling. She would be a smash hit. “And now, ladies and gentlemen, on the 10-meter diving platform Rulon Gardner doing his specialty “the cannon ball.”

Each excelled in the role in which they were set aside to perform. However, in reversed roles they neither would have been successful.

No one is as beautiful as one in their role, the one for which they were set aside. As a Christian you are set aside to serve the Lord. In that role life is fulfilling. Apart from it you can never achieve what He has in mind for you.

C. He has set us aside for service.

Abraham could have used a variety of excuses that are used today. Excuses such as …

1. I am unworthy — that is not an excuse it is a confession.

At the time of the Lord calling him he wasn’t worthy. He has in a pagan country worshiping idols. Why did God call him?

Modern American mentality implies God calls persons because He just can’t do without them. He conceives of them as being so talented and possession such charisma, He just can’t do without them. Nothing could be further from the truth. He stated in Deut. 7: 7,8 – God called Abraham because “…the Lord loved you…” that is the only reason He calls anyone.

2. I don’t have enough faith. Abraham had no faith when called. His faith was not the cause of his calling, his calling was the occasion for his faith. God called him and Abraham believed God.

Faith is merely confidence in God’s character.

Faith is belief in facts.

You exercise faith every time you get on a plain or drive in the rain; make an appointment or keep a commitment; go on a date or get married; purchase or sell on credit. You have faith!

“If we received the witness of men, the witness of God is greater” (I John 5:9).

3. I can’t…I will falter. Of course you might. To refuse to try because you might fail is to fail. Abraham faltered. He was called from Ur to go to Canaan. He stopped in Haran and camped for seven years. God called again and Abraham responded faithfully.

Abraham was called to possess a territory for God.

II. CHARACTER

In Genesis 15:1 God promised Abraham He would be his “shield…and reward.” This shows God’s power to perform.

Four kings had conquered the land. The spoils of battle went to them. They ignored Abraham. He was too insignificant. God commanded Abraham to attack. With God as his shield he defeated the four kings and recovered to spoils of battle. God performed.

In Robert Falconer, the author, George MacDonald, notes: “This is a sane, wholesome, practical, working faith: first, that it is a man’s business to do the will of God; second, that God takes on Himself the special care of that man; and third, that therefore, that man ought never to be afraid of anything.”

God will shield you against:

1. The Devil, “Resist…flee… (John 4:7).

2. Temptation, “NO temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man…” (I Cor. 10:13).

3. Bitterness. “But I want you to know, brethren, that the things which happened to me have actually turned out for the furtherance of the gospel” (Phil. 1:12).

God has the capacity to shield His own.

Approaching His crucifixion, Jesus said He could have called twelve legions, that’s 72,000 angels. In one O.T. incident, one angel killed 185,110 persons. That means at the moment Jesus had at His command the kill power of 1,332,000,000 (1 billion, 332 million).

God has the power to perform as your shield.

III. CAPACITY

God promised to be Abraham’s reward. After garnering the spoils of war, Abraham paid a tithe to Melchizedek, King of Salem. He then gave the other nine-tenths to the Kings of Sodom. He had no reward for his effort. God was to be his reward. When this is true, you share all that is His.

To understand this, consider the names by which Abraham knew God.

JEHOVAH = “I Am,” This title spoke of His eternality.

JEHOVAH-JIREH = “The God who provides.”

EL ELYON = “The most High God.”

Abraham knew Him as the Eternal God, the most High God, who rewards.

Romans 8:17 says, “We are heirs of God, and joint heirs with Christ.”

Suppose you and three individuals inherit acres. As heirs you would own an acre and each of them would own one. If you were joint heirs, you would co-equally own all four acres and they each would co-equally own all four. Joint heirs mutually possess all together.

Are you willing to give Him your all in salvation?

Are you willing to give Him your all in sanctification?

Are you willing to give Him your all in service?

Remember Your First Love 8/27/00

Revelation 2:1-5

JESUS CHRIST loves you. Do you love Him more today than at any time in your life? If you have never trusted Him as your Savior, today is a matchless time to turn in trust and thrust yourself dependently upon Him with reliance for His grace in time and for eternity.

If you are a Christian and you cannot honestly say you are closer to Him than ever in your life, you have backslided. Today is a marvelous time to return and renew your devotion.

Remember when the very citizenship of your soul changed kingdoms? Remember the pure, almost sacred, feelings you had when you came to Christ? The paradise of first love is a germ that needs to be cultured and allowed to grow. The emotion may fade but the relationship can and must grow in intimacy.

Our emotions, that is our feelings, change, as they must, but the confident relationship must grow. As we grow spiritually, feelings may change but facts don’t.

Sentiment must be stabilized by study.

Ecstasy must be embraced by experience.

Passion must be by predicated on principles.

Persons don’t take giant steps away from Christ. Their devotion most often deteriorates imperceptibly. A flower dies so slowly that from moment to moment the decaying process is not noticeable. However, after a few days the difference is distinct.

Forgetfulness of our first love usually begins with a few slight indulgences that you formerly would not have tolerated. A casual brief venture into enemy territory may result in alienation from your first love.

Let’s each make this a day of personal spiritual inventory. Be honest to God in answering whether you are closer to Him today than at any time in your life. Are you?

Christ addressed seven churches in the Book of the Revelation. To each He gave an ANALYSIS, AN APPRAISAL, AND AN APPEAL.

Before observing these aspects consider Christ Himself.

“He holds the seven stars in his right hand…” (2:2). What do these stars symbolize? For the answer note Revelation 1:16: “The seven stars are the seven angels of the seven churches…”

The word “stars” translates the Greek ASTER and the “star” is a symbol for the “angels of the seven churches.” ANGELOS in the Greek is translated “angel.” MALAKA in the Old Testament is Hebrew for ANGELOS in the New Testament Greek. Both words meant “messenger.”

For example, in Haggai 1:13 we see it used: “Then spake Haggai the Lord’s messenger [MALAKA]…” When we hear the word “angel” we think of winged heavenly beings. In Scripture angels don’t have wings. That is ancient medieval imagery. An angel was simply a messenger. Sometimes a supernatural one but most often a human messenger.

Here in the Book of the Revelation “the angel” is a reference to God’s messenger to the church, the pastor, the under-shepherd of Jesus Christ, the overseer of the church. Christ is depicted as holding His messenger in His loving hand. He is controlling and protecting him.

The minister is the messenger of God to the church. He is the courier of God’s message to God’s people. The messenger is to take the Word of God and deliver it on behalf of the Lord to His people.

In Revelation 2:2 Christ is seen as the one “who walks in the midst of the seven golden lampstands.” The “lampstands” are identified in Revelation 1:20 as the churches. A lampstand is a fitting depiction of the church. The lampstand doesn’t give light. It merely provided a base for the light itself. Christ is the light of the world. The church is the equivalent of the pedestal from which He is to shine. Christ is depicted as being right in the midst of the churches. He is walking in the midst of the churches. He is fellowshipping with the church.

The first church addressed was the church at Ephesus. To understand the process of spiritual atrophy let’s look at an x-ray of this church. In doing so we will see traits that should serve as an appeal to us.

I. R E M E M B E R (Vs. 7)

An appeal to “remember” implies something has been forgotten. That something was their “first love” for Jesus. This refers to Him as being the one loved INITIALLY in order to be saved and to come into the church.

It is also a reference to the fact their love for Him had previously been the SUPREME love of their life.

What caused this drift in their love? In answering that question perhaps we can discover what might have caused our own spiritual erosion. Perhaps you once had admirable qualities like the members of this church in Ephesus. Note their qualities as recorded in verses 2 and 3. They had the admirable qualities of patience, perseverance, and laborious service without growing weary.

Even a virtue can be a spiritual liability if misapplied or misused. They had the quality of being good people who did good “works” and engaged in diligent “labor.”

These praiseworthy qualities have often caused well-intended people to lose their “first love.” They enter the church and diligently accept any assignment given. They are so in love with Jesus they do a good job regardless of how menial the task. This good work is noted and rewarded with an expanded opportunity of service. Again their faithfulness consequences in additional opportunities to serve. Soon they are so absorbed in service that they suddenly realize they have lost the joy of their salvation and are overburdened by their many roles.

They have served and served well, but their focus has drifted from the Savior to service. Service has become their first love. Though this is a commendable trait it is no substitute for intimacy with Christ — your first love.

Some dear Christians get so enamored with doctrine, their devotion is detached from Christ and attached to orthodoxy. We must ever be vigilant in our defense of the tenets of the faith, but when our absorption is with teachings and not the Teacher, Jesus Christ, we have drifted from our first love. They were so doctrinally right that they “tested” those who made false claims. They were so concerned that they could not “bear those who are evil.”

One group of these is identified. The Nicolatians were followers of a man named Nicholas. He was a fellow who thought he must be missing out on something. Some of the non-Christians seemed to be having a better time in their false religion than he. In the name of religion, pagan cults were engaging in drunken brawls and sexual debauchery. He didn’t jump right in. He rationalized his way in with the help of the equivalent of liberal theologians. Plato taught the spirit of man was good but the flesh was evil. A group known as the gnostics, that name really means a bunch of know-it- alls, taught the spirit, therefore, needed to be liberated from the body and the only way to do that was through sexual fornication and drunkenness.

Nicholas knew his eternal destiny was secure, so with nothing to lose, he sought this spiritual experience. He convinced some believers this was all right, so they joined him.

There are persons who lose their first love for Jesus because of sexual or other immoral activities. This still happens to persons today. Has it happened to you?

For whatever reason, Christians often get out of fellowship with the Lord. One of two courses of action are available. One is to take a course in “shorter hypocrisy.” The other is to repent and be

enewed.

SYMPTOMS OF LOST FIRST LOVE ARE OBVIOUS.

1. Symptoms of the loss of first love usually begin at the closet. Scripture urges us to enter into our closet and pray. The closet is simply a reference to getting alone with the Lord, and prayer is talking with Him. A first symptom is that the person comes out of this closet and enters another. The other closet is a reference to secret conduct unbecoming of a believer.

2. Persons stop giving to the cause of Christ. Where a person’s heart is, there is his treasure also.

3. They attend church and hear Biblical messages that address spiritual needs in their lives and are insensitive to them. A message, which if they were spiritually sensitive would call them to repentance, leaves them nodding. Externally, many may be deceived by appearances. However, departure from our first love is like what happens when the roots of a tree die. The leaves keep green for a while, but soon they also wither and fall. Love for Christ is the root of all devotion – once it begins to wither, it is only a matter of time until the life is left spiritually barren.

4. Their prayer life and Bible study time declines or stops.

5. They become irregular in attendance or stop all together.

6. They become negative and critical. Persons who have left their first love become defensive by becoming critics of the church and fellow believers. When you observe a brother or sister who has become critical, rather than listen to the criticism, be observant of the spiritual decay in the life of the critic who is talking. When a person leaves their first love, Jesus, they themselves become less loving and lovable.

When such wanderlust occurs in our lives, what we need to hear is a compassionate appeal, a sharp prophetic command, to repent. Often a person in such a state is offended by such an appeal. That is all the more indication repentance is needed.

Perhaps you, like the people at Ephesus, have let Jesus Christ become one line of the menu of life, whereas He must be the total menu. Actually, our daily bread.

Perhaps you, as they, are having a THEOLOGICAL problem. They left their “first love” and He is central to all theology. If you get your opinion of Him wrong, all other doctrine is jeopardized. If He loses first place in our lives everything else is out of order.

Perhaps you, as they, are having a PSYCHOLOGICAL problem. If you manifest a misunderstanding of who Christ is, you lose the proper perspective of who you are. You can only have a healthy understanding of yourself in connection with who Jesus is to you. You can only celebrate the wonder of who you are in connection with who you are to Christ.

Perhaps you, as they, are having an ETHICAL problem. Christian ethics are Christ-centered. Our ethical outlook begins with Christ and His view of life, and controls our ethical outlook.

It is not based on the fact we are commanded to love, but on a love that commands. When we hold Christ as our first love, that love commands, that is controls, our world view.

The “Ephesus syndrome” results gradually and subtly.

“Remember” is an appeal to give their heads over to Christ.

“Repent” is an appeal to give their hearts over to Him.

II. R E P E N T

The word “repent” used here in the Greek is in the aorist tense meaning to have a complete change of mental attitude and has no emotional reference at all. The statements Christ made in the Book of the Revelation to the seven churches are His last words to His church. One’s last words are considered to be important. One who is leaving wants to leave a farewell message of importance. Those who love the one leaving want to hear and comply with any request of the departing one.

Christ’s last words were “REPENT.” The Biblical appeal to repent is as often applied to saints out of fellowship as to sinners out of grace.

The Greek word translated “first” is PROTOS. It is a word that suggests they still love, but with a quality and intensity unlike that of their initial love. Is that you? Then now is the expedient time to repent and return to your first love. These imperatives are all part of a single command based on an appeal to remember their first love and how much their enthusiasm for Christ has waned; how much their devotion has diminished.

Might your spiritual life be pictured as ashes on a rusty altar? Such indicates there once was warmth, light, and flame, but which reveals it has been a long time since there was an act of devotion performed there.

When the Holy Spirit is allowed to grip us with a true spirit of repentance we are willing to admit having let other lords besides Him have command over us. We will admit to having left our first love and appeal to Christ to recover us.

III. R E T U R N

Once we repent then we will “do the first works” (Vs. 5). In verse 7 reference is made “to him who overcomes.” This is a summary expression for those who repent.

In 1632, the favorite wife of Shah Jahan of India died. Her title was Mumtaz-i-mahal, which means “pride of the palace.” He loved her so much he set 20,000 workmen to work building a tomb for her in the northern city of Agra. They labored for 21 years on the palace tomb. As work was begun on the Taj Mahal, the coffin containing the body of his beloved was placed on the spot where the temple tomb was to be constructed. Time after time it had to be moved to allow construction. Soon it got shoved aside and ignored. Shortly thereafter, building materials were scattered around it. Lost in the clutter and pushed aside, it was at some time removed with other items considered trash. When the temple tomb was completed, the body of the one in whose name it was constructed could not be found.

Spiritually, the same thing happens in the lives of some Christians. Gradually Christ gets moved aside until at last he is lost. Then we who are the temple of the Spirit are as devoid of Him as the Taj Mahal was of the pride of the palace. When it happens we must repent and return to our first love, Jesus.

Occasionally this happens collectively in a church. Christ gets pushed aside and is lost in the life of the fellowship.

The first step away is the great sin of which to repent. However cold or carnal you might have become, it could never have happened without the first small step leading away from your first love. It may have been a small beginning which you can’t even recall that has led to a great departure. That departure may be so great you aren’t even sensitive to it. That makes it all the greater. That departure may even be hard for others to detect because you still wear the uniform, you still have the external performance, the right vocabulary with the right people, but inside you know and you know Jesus knows.

Therefore, begin at the beginning again.

Go back to the fountainhead of your love — Jesus.

Go back to the fountain of thought about your Savior’s love for you as a condemned hell bound sinner and fill your cup so full it runs over into your saucer.

Today, remember and return to the embers of your first love and reignite the torch of your zealous love for Jesus. Warm your heart by the light of that flame and learn to love again as you did when you first came to Jesus.

Christ’s appeal is found in verse 5: “DO the first works.” Now is the time to begin again at the beginning. As your new life began with repentance, so your renewed life must begin with repentance. The call is to DO the first works.

Some church members need the cold water of a gospel message thrown in their face calling them to repent and return to their first love.

As you quibble and waiver in renewing your allegiance to our Lord, may you become as resolute in expressing your devotion as Samuel Rutherford, the Scotch Covenanter who was imprisoned in Aberdeen for his faithfulness to his Lord. He expressed his devotion in this manner: “O my Lord, if there were a broad hell betwixt me and Thee, if I could not get at Thee except by wading through it, I would not think twice, but I would plunge through it all, if I might embrace Thee and call Thee mine.”

That is love such as He deserves.

Fundamentals of Family Life 3/26/00

Colossians 3:18-21

JESUS CHRIST was a living embodiment of love. His message was one of love.

As an example of a loving child, He grew up in Nazareth in a well-structured, Jewish family. He is described as growing in “wisdom and statue and in favor with God and man.” He was a responsible, functioning-member of a family unit. His relationship with Joseph, His earthly father, must have been rewarding in that He chose the term “Father” to teach of God the Father.

His love for His mother was manifested in respect and deep regard as seen by His efforts to provide for her even from the cross.

He loved little children and exhorted the disciples to go to all extremes to let them come to Him.

The family was the basic unit of the society in which He grew up. Today the family is still a basic unit of society. Because this basic unit is deteriorating so rapidly, our society is beginning to evidence it is coming unraveled around the edges.

The American family today is in a perilous state. For that reason I want to share practical insights regarding the ABC’s of Family Living with the prayer each member of every family will recognize their role and resolve to fulfill their responsibilities.

An indication of what is going on in homes today was revealed by an extensive study recently published entitled “Young Adolescents and Their Parents.” This nation-wide study involved 8,000 fifth to ninth graders. 97% of these were church families.

* Only 22% of the children said there was lots of love in their family. Affection from the father, verbal and physical, dropped 50% from the fifth to ninth grade.

* Over half of the children said they would like to talk with their parents more.

* 46% of ninth graders said God and the Bible were never discussed at home.

* Attitudes toward church became less favorable the higher the grade in school.

* Peer pressure was shown to grow with age, but it never exceeds parental influence.

America has marveled to see the precision of weapons in warfare known as “smart bombs.” Many of them are manufactured by Raytheon Corporation. Their company slogan is “Excellence begins with fundamentals.”

There are certain fundamentals that work in marriage family life.

Now consider these Fundamentals of Family Life.

I. STANDARD OF AUTHORITY

God intends that in everything there should be order. The only option to order is anarchy. That is the lifestyle for many families. There has been a complete breakdown in order within the family.

The emergence of the Christian ethic in the First Century brought a new concept of relationships which we seem to have forgotten. Under Greek, Roman, and Jewish law all OBLIGATIONS belonged to women and children. All PRIVILEGES belonged to the man. The Christian concept changed this to one of SHARED

RECIPROCAL OBLIGATIONS.

A. THE ADULT MALE, that is, the husband and/or father is to love his wife. The Greek word used is AGAPATE. It does not suggest romantic affection. It means caring love which deliberately concerns itself with the well-being of the wife.

This positive encouragement is followed with a negative warning, “Do not be bitter toward them.” This means don’t be harsh, irritable, surly, or cross with them. The ancient word “husband” actually meant “house-band.” He is God’s agent to help hold the family together.

He is also to avoid provoking his children and discouraging them. Literally, this means don’t embitter the child. It means don’t challenge the child to resist by unreasonable exercise of authority.

Firm discipline may sometimes be necessary, but it should always be administered with the right spirit. Don’t rouse them to resentment by constantly finding fault and nagging. Don’t cause them to become listless, moody, and sullen because they feel they can never please. Don’t cause them to lose heart.

This can be done by:

* Too many restrictions (Children need liberties as well as limitations.

* Being impossible to please.

* Being unforgiving.

* Making hasty or false accusations.

* Making unfeeling requirements.

Husbands, here are secrets regarding your wife. This is for men only. Women, please don’t listen. …..That’s a sure way to get their attention. Men, here are four things your wife wants, needs, and deserves.

TIME: Time is the currency of relationships. When a man neglects spending time with his wife or children it sends a message that they aren’t important. Providing time to be together says “You are important.”

TALK: This goes beyond shallow talk and involves expressing inner feelings.

TENDERNESS: Nothing feeds the soul of a woman like knowing she is cherished. Tender affection communicates that nourishment.

TOUCH: Nonsexual affectionate hugs, kisses, hand-holding is crucial.

B. THE ADULT FEMALE, that is, wife and or mother is addressed. The wife is to be “submissive.” This means when there is a decision or circumstance where one has to forego their authority it is the wife. Note these things:

1. Her submission is prompted and earned by the husband’s unselfish love.

2. The verb used is middle voice meaning her submission should be voluntary. Thus, it is clear the husband should not demand but earn it.

3. This is “well pleasing to the Lord.” OK, ladies it is your turn to listen and fellows you tune out. Hopefully most didn’t when the topic of what a wife wants was noted. Here are things that can help a husband have a sense of significance.

BE HIS CHEERLEADER Husbands want the approval of their wives. Complaints and criticism strike at the core of who he is. They are at times necessary but should be shared privately whereas praise is well given publically. It builds him up.

BE HIS CHAMPION Men thrive on the respect given them.

BE HIS COMPANION A man wants his wife to be his friend. If she refuses to share in the things that are important to him he soon gives up sharing with her.

BE HIS COMPLEMENT This includes helping him become the man God intends him to be. That does not mean she is to be his personal in-home preacher, however.

Husbands and wives hear this. Studies by the University of Washington psychologist, Dr. John Gottman, reveal the four major marriage destroyers. They are: CRITICISM, CONTEMPT, DEFENSIVENESS, STONEWALLING.

C. THE CHILD is to “obey” the parents. The Greek word implies a willingness to hear and carry out instruction. The verb is present tense meaning this should be done consistently. The expression “in all things” must be understood in the context that this is a Christian family and what is required is “pleasing to the Lord” (Vs. 20). Therefore, children if you have Christian parents who are fulfilling their responsibilities toward you, you are pleasing the Lord when you obey them. Consequently think of yourself as pleasing the Lord when obeying your parents.

II. A SENSE OF ADVENTURE

A family should be an adventurous group of explorers. Parents are in an ideal position to help their young develop an understanding and appreciation for their world and all that is in it. This sense of adventure should not only relate to the physical world but the world of values also.

When a parent holds a new born child they can look into that little face and realize, “I am holding a candidate for a personality.” You have the challenge of molding that personality. That child is a candidate for heaven and the parent has the blessed joy of helping the child grow in grace and knowledge. Studies show that children who are led to the Lord by their parents later have less doubt about their salvation than other children.

A child asked his parent two questions, “Dad, what is a Christian?” After a lengthy explanation, the child posed the second question, “Dad, have I ever seen a Christian?” Show the way. Be a pattern.

Do things together. Often dad comes in to leave his golf clubs and pick up his bowling ball. This leaves a child wondering, “Mom, who is that man that comes in here and kisses you and spanks me?”

A sense of belonging to a family is one of the best stabilizing factors for children. Those who feel they belong to a family know their conduct represents the entire family. What they do for good or bad reflects on the family. If they are loved in that family and love that family, they don’t want to do things that will reflect unfavorably on the family.

Years ago a Jewish philosopher named Martin Buber wrote a book on interpersonal relations. His thesis was there are two kinds of relations. One he called the “I and it” relationship. It is the relationship we have with things or inanimate objects such as cars, houses, and clothes. The second is an “I and thou” relationship. This relationship is one in which people become ends in themselves not means to someone else’s end. There is a breakdown when a “thou” is treated like an “it.” When this happens, we stop trying to motivate and start to manipulate.

Dr. Ernest Gordon, Dean of Chapel at Princeton University ended one of his books: “In the wild seas of violence that characterize our time we are in deepest need of islands of sanity, or harbors of humanity, in which the art of being human may be learned.”

Parents often speak of wanting to instill principles. There must be a gift of PRESENCE before there can be a gift of PRINCIPLES.

Lessons are more easily caught than taught.

Presence says, “I need you, we belong together.”

Presence says, “I care, we need to be together.”

III. A SHOW OF AFFECTION

We should relate to one another as the Father relates to us. That means we should – – –

A. Pay attention. Many family members are hardly aware of the other’s presence. Our Heavenly Father has time for us. The Scripture says, “…the eyes of the Lord are over the righteous, and his ears are open unto their prayers…” (I Peter 3:12).

B. Be warm and supportive. God the Father demonstrates His love: “He shall feed his flock like a shepherd: He shall gather the lambs with his arms, and carry them in His bosom, and shall gently lead those that are with young” (Isa. 40:11).

C. Inevitably there is the need for correction and discipline. This must always be done compassionately and under control. Our Heavenly Father disciplines: “My son despise not the chastening of the Lord, nor faint when thou art rebuked of Him: for whom the Lord loves He chastens, and scourges every son whom He receives” (Hebrews 12:5,6).

D. Be available to talk and give guidance when needed. Our Heavenly Father has said, “I will instruct…and…counsel you and watch over you” (Ps. 32:8).

The Family: Prep School for Life 3/19/00

Matthew 19:4-6

JESUS CHRIST said, “Whosoever therefore shall be ashamed of me and of my words in this adulterous and sinful generation; of him also shall the Son of man be ashamed, when he cometh in the glory of His Father with the holy angels” (Mark 8:38).

The words of Jesus Christ regarding marriage, family life and parenting are so disregarded and disobeyed as to indicate people are ashamed of them. Derelict parents, disobedient children, and consequenting dissolved marriages have become commonplace.

Not since 1973 has there been produced a network series depicting a loving happy family. As a result of the breakdown in parent/child relationships and the breakup of husband/wife relationships, the secular world has rationalized as reasonable and the Christian world appropriately rushed to minister to those injured by divorce while little has been said or done to affirm God’s norm for the family.

For fear of injuring those victims of broken homes, we have neglected assertions related to maintaining wholesome family ties.

Nearly two decades ago the White House Council on the Family issued this statement: “America’s families are in trouble – trouble so deep and pervasive as to threaten the future of our nation.” At that conference, Paul Popenoe of the American Institute of Family Relations stated: “No society has ever survived after its family life deteriorated.”

If the family fails, then all the other institutions of society will fail. The family is the basic unit of society under-guiding all else. It is the prep school for life. Therein we learn to live in community. If you can’t do it there you are not likely to be able to do it properly anywhere.

The basis for family life is found in Genesis 2:18, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helpmate for him.”

Somebody, on behalf of Jesus Christ, needs to declare firmly that the unholy union of two people living together in the pretending role of husband and wife out of wedlock is an affront to God regardless of how pleasant and popular it may appear to be.

Trial marriages are to be rejected as possible alternatives to God’s plan.

BIBLICAL BASIS FOR MARRIAGE

I. THERE MUST BE A CAUSE – MATTHEW 19:6

“Help mate” – Genesis 2:18 = “to go along side,” or “corresponding to,” or “a second self”. This “oneness” is multi-faceted. It is: physical, spiritual, social, intellectual, and financial.

Dr. David Mace: “There are no happy marriages only marriage partners who are immature.” The problem is not with the institution of marriage but with people.

For a cake to turn out well the right ingredients in proper proportions must be added. If sour instead of fresh milk is used, an unpleasant taste results. It is the cake, however, that gets the blame not the milk.

For a marriage to work both parties have to leave adolescence behind and never return to it. Neither can mentally remain single. Two persons become one in flesh and blood through natural procuration. That is, when they join God in creating a life with an eternal destiny.

In a family setting a child learns to be a citizen, worker, friend, neighbor, mate and parent. All of this is learned through the marvelous university called the family long before the child enters first grade.

There is a generation spoken of in the Bible with which youth should strive not to identify. “There is a generation that curseth their father, and doth not bless their mother. There is a generation that are pure in their own eyes” (Prov. 30: 11-12).

A ruby is a rare and valuable precious stone. There are, however, other stones which closely resemble it such as the garnet and spinel. Some of these stones look so much like a ruby that only experts can discern the difference. Geologist use a dichroscope to test the stones. A dichroscope makes one see double. Two images of the same stone are seen. A genuine ruby produces one image in orange- red and another in carmine-red. The garnet and spinel each show only one color.

Real mature love under the “dichroscope” of discernment reflects two aspects. These are both illustrated by a classroom experience. A teacher was trying to explain love to a young elementary class.

Dictionary definitions were not proper for their understanding. Pupils were asked to show the teacher what love meant. The ensuing long silence was broken by one six-year old who rose slowly from her seat. She approached the teacher and giving her a big hug said, “That’s love!” Assurance was given by the teacher that one form of love had been expressed, however, she asked for further insight as to what love meant. Soon that same little girl enlisted the help of others in putting the chairs in order and tidying up the room. She then exclaimed, “Love is helping someone too!” That childish wisdom develops two aspects of mature love. Love is not only saying…it is doing. As the real ruby emits two images of varying reds so mature love shows a willingness to cooperate in doing. Cooperating is love in action. It is mobile and meaningful maturity.

Cooperation involves doing things together. Many persons have a breakdown in cooperation, simply they are not together in the right setting often enough. Work schedules, social activities, civic affairs, church-relating events, and numerous other demands divide couples’ time. Select things that can be done together. Hobbies, recreational events, and other extra-affectionate activities that can be done together build a cooperative spirit. Plan schedules to allow for time together. Keep in touch with each other.

Cooperation inevitably requires someone to adjust to the advantage of the other. It is different from capitulation. Capitulation is surrender. Cooperation is support. Don’t keep score. Score keeping implies having an opponent. Instead both parties must be proponents of fair play. Score keepers have a tendency to be forgetful of other’s good plays. They are often ultra-sensitive to their own “scores.” Associated with keeping score of who has done more than the other is the idea of defeating another. After all, scores are not really kept. They are published and reported. Reporting on ones own virtues and victories seldom gains popularity. Conversely, one should be quick to acknowledge and compliment other’s cooperative ventures.

In cooperating keep in mind these “12 Things to Remember” as listed by Marshall Field:

The value of time
The success of perseverance
The pleasure of working
The dignity of simplicity
The worth of character
The power of kindness
The influence of example
The obligation of duty
The wisdom of economy
The virtue of patience
The improvement of talent
The joy of originating

There are basically three reasons for marriage:
1. One is reproduction
2. Another is for sharing life “And the LORD God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him” (Gen. 2:18).
3. The last is as a demonstration of divine love. “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her” (Ephesians 5:25).

Jesus left His heavenly Father and came to earth to identify with His bride, the church. This is a vital aspect of Christian marriage. As he left the Father to identify with a distinct loyalty so there is to be a parental separation from our parents when we marry. There is then a new center of allegiance and base of loyalty.

Demonstrations of love are often more meaningful than declarations of love. Neither should be neglected. Avowal and action are both assets.

II. THERE MUST BE A CLEAVING – MATTHEW 19:5

In marriage two are to “cleave” and “be one flesh”. To “cleave” means to cling, adhere to, or more literally be glued to. In Greek parlance, it means, “to be permanently bonded to.” One said of this text it means when you are married you are stuck with your partner. No, it means you are to stick to your partner.

Every marriage bond is under attack. Often these attacks are more subtle than direct. This multitude of varied assaults, no one of which is sufficient, of itself, to destroy the family, when combined have a devastating effect.

The thought of togetherness does not envision every family member sitting in front of their own television set, eating their own TV dinner, and waiting for their own phone ring. This bond must grow. Christian living is not an accomplished and completed stage, it is a growing process.

To help build this bond:

1. When problems arise attack them not one another
2. Put people before things
3. Give the other person the benefit of the doubt
4. Never argue or fight in public
5. Reserve time for each other
6. Be flexible and adjustable

If persons are going to maturely cooperate in a family framework, they cannot:

ALIENATE themselves from the other family members by doing only “what I feel like.” Disregard for others is devastating to harmony in a home.

AMPLIFY the inconsistencies and errors of others while minimizing their own. Always weight your vices and others virtues on the same scales. Romans 14: 19 says, “do what leads to peace and to mutual edification.” In the word “edification” can be heard the word “edifice.” An edifice is a building. Edification means to build up one another.

AFFILIATE with individuals of organizations that demand time and attitudes contrary to what is needed to build good family life.

APPEASE carnal appetites by flirting with persons or interests other than those worthy of the devotion of a family person. Such flirtations are a prelude to frustration.

ACQUIESCE to the lowest denomination. Emphasis is thus put on common. Aspire to rise above that which one can do alone by achieving what two can do together.

The Greek word translated love in this passage is AGAPOA, which is the same word used in Romans 5:8 telling of God’s love for us. It is the noblest and strongest word for love. It speaks of an act of the will rather than emotion. This kind of God-love is sacrificial love. It is always active. It is expressive yet controlled. I Corinthians 9:25 instructs us, “And every man that striveth for the mastery is temperate in all things.” Hence, an athletic expression is used to speak of self- discipline.

No person can love any other person properly until, in love, they have correctly related to the Christ who loves them most. If one will not receive His great love and return it, that one is not likely to be able to love others fully.

III. THERE MUST BE A CONCLUSION

As students progress in school they move from one grade level to the next. Each is different. Couples upon entering marriage need to remember they are not static. Marriages and families change. This requires flexibility and the capacity to adjust.

A study in the Journal of Developmental Psychology reports on a ten year study of 500 Midwestern marriages. It revealed that the quality of the marriage began to dip almost immediately after the marriage. This change continues for the first three years of marriage before plateauing and remaining constant for the next three years. The next change encompasses years eight, nine, and ten. It is commonly called the “seven year itch.”

Most studies show couples go into marriage simply anticipating being happy. The old line “They lived happily ever after” doesn’t fly. If couples enter marriage realizing things will not remain static they are better equipped to adjust. This is true of any relationship.

For there to be a successful completion of the courses taught in life’s prep school, the family, there must be love. The New Testament word used to describe this type love is the kind our Heavenly Father shows us, AGAPE. It means unselfish, self-giving love. It is not an act of the emotions but an act of will. We must live for each other. Remember the word “united” can become the word “untied” simply by changing the position of the little letter “I.”

The Bible appeals for us to “encourage one another and build each other up” (I Thessalonians 5:11).

An image of today’s family is a pyramid. The family is spread like the base. They are scattered. For the family to be cohesive they must come together at the apex of the pyramid. Right up at the top of the pyramid two lines converse at a given point. Daily family members must merge at the apex. It is God’s throne where they meet and pray for each other. This is best done when they are geographically together. However, even if separated by miles there should be a mutually agreed upon time when they meet at the apex in prayer for one another.

For there to be a harmonious horizontal relationship with one another there must be a good vertical relationship with the Lord.

How to Build a Better Bond 3/12/00

Genesis 18:17-19

Jesus Christ wants to enable you to have better personal relations. That is, He wants to help us get along with each other. There is every evidence in our society we need such help. At no point is this more evident than in the most personal of relationships, the family.

Parents, who is raising your children?

Consider these facts. In 1979, 6% of children had televisions in their bedrooms; today 77%. A Kaiser Family Foundation survey reveals that children ages 2 – 18 spend nearly 5.5 hours a day outside of school with some type of media. Almost three of those hours watching TV. In the bedrooms of children 8 – 18, 21% have computers. 61% say they have NO parental control over their viewing or web activities.

Who is influencing your child?

Norman Lear who created the TV series “All In the Family” and other TV programs said: “The delight we once took in celebrating family and community seems to be vaporizing before us. You now have all these (TV) shows about lonely people coming together. It seems to me this is part of something profound. It is a disease in our time. There’s a television in every room, and the family has become splintered.”

Principles now to be shared are applicable to youth and adults, adults never married or those single again and those married, couples with and those without children, parents and grandparents. If you are a human being that ever circulates in society this message is for you. Application of certain principles, thought directly applicable to some are relevant to all.

From antiquity comes an account of a family needing direction. God had promised the aged Abraham and Sarah they would have children. Biologically this was impossible. Genesis 18: 14 reveals a principle that builds confidence and keeps hope alive: “Is anything too hard for the Lord?”

Put that on the screen saver of your mind and don’t turn off your mental computer. The Lord then gave certain specific instructions to Abraham. These ageless insights can renew relationships.

I. THERE MUST BE COMMUNICATION.
This elemental art is one of the most challenging aspects of relationships. Though we may have expansive vocabularies we often can’t communicate. Fellow males, one of the primary reasons is us.

A little boy and girl were playing together. She said, “Let’s play house!” “OK,” said the little boy, “what do you want me to do?” “To start with,” she said, “I want you to communicate.” “That’s a big word,” he replied, “I don’t know
what it means.” With a smirk the little girl says, “Great, you can be the husband.”

One reason we are poor communicators is we have bought in too deeply to the equality, or sameness, concept in our culture. Failing to acknowledge some of our basic differences walls are built up between males and females and this carries over into marriage.

The male is theoretical minded. He prefers to deal with theory, philosophy, or principles. He deals from a position of logic and reason. That’s good, but it isn’t all good. The female is person centered. She wants to know to whom what principle applies. She deals from the basis of sensitivity, a depth of feeling, or emotions. That is good, but it isn’t all good.

This is not to hint that males don’t have feelings or that females don’t have logic. It simply indicates a framework within which each deals. The difference is wonderful. It in part is why we need each other. We bring to a relationship our strengths and compliment and complete the other. It’s WONDERFUL!

NOTE THESE DIFFERENCES IN COMMUNICATION
MALE deals in generalities
FEMALE deals in details

Does this scenario which illustrates this point sound familiar?

The phone rings. You, the male answers. “I’ll get it,” you say, putting down the paper, “Hello.” A ten minute conversation ensues. When it ends the phone is hung up and the paper picked up. “Who was that?” “Yeji Jaboe’s, mother.” We haven’t heard from her in 8 years. “Well!” “Well, what?” “What did she say?” “She said Yeji is fine.” The tone indicates a strong desire to get back to the significant insight offered in “Calvin and Hobbes.” “That’s all she said?” The interrogation comparable to that of a good district attorney continues. She wants the entire story. You give it: “OK, Yeji just got out of prison after serving a sentence for a murder he committed when he was a drug dealer because he felt guilty when his wife died in a freak submarine accident while Yeji was involved with a teenage rapper, BUT he has his life straightened out and is adjusting well to his new wooden leg.” He has a good job as a trapeze artist and is engaged to marry a prominent member of the Dixie Chicks —- SO in other words he is fine just like I said.”

MALE communicates information
FEMALE communicates emotions

MALE uses indirect expressions: hugs, kisses, touch, looks
FEMALE prefers direct expression, say “I love you”

VIVE LA DIFFERENCE

To communicate —- listen.
Let your speech be embellished with grace.
“Let your speech be always with grace” (Colossians 4:6).

II. THERE MUST BE A CHARGE
God said that Abraham was to “command” his children and his household. Someone has to take charge if a household is to “keep the way of the Lord.”

Males and females are unquestioningly equal, BUT different.

One role in the family for the male is to be the mood setter. If the mood in your household isn’t good, dad, look in the mirror to find one of the basic reasons. Starting tomorrow set a new one. When you get up in the morning throw back the covers, stand to your full height, and look at your wife. Wow! Don’t over do it. Remembering that old expression, “Oily to bed oily to rise you don’t won’t to stare too long. Those antennae like curlers in the hair don’t do anything to enhance the view.”

When breakfast is finished compliment her with something like, “Honey, that was without a doubt the best breakfast any mortal man has ever enjoyed.” You do that the first morning and you won’t have to lie about it the second. When you start to leave, grab her, swing her around a couple of times right there in front of God and the children. The children might not remember much about you but they will never forget ole dad was a swinger. Work at creating a positive loving mood in the household.

Recently a cross segment of American teens were asked the following. How would your child answer? “Did either of your parents do the following with you during the past 24 hours?
Help with housework?
Praise you for something you did?
Hug or kiss you?
Tell you they love you?
Talk with you about your activities during the day?

Somebody, ideally dads, need to challenge the household to grow in their commitment to moral values.

Lawrence Kohlberg of Harvard has led the way in research in moral education and development. He found that a healthy mature person develops through three levels of moral thinking.

LEVEL ONE extends from birth to about age ten.
This is the totally self-centered stage. All issues and choices are viewed in terms of personal physical or pleasurable results. The game is played by these rules: If I am rewarded as I desire my conduct is good. If I don’t get what I want then my actions are bad. Loving, appropriate discipline is necessary to guide a child through this stage. Many persons never leave it.

LEVEL TWO begins sometime between ages ten and fourteen. At this stage the youth considers others as well as self. Choices are based on whether they please others or are approved by them. Peer pressure and idols exert an enormous influence. The status quo becomes important. Instruction and clear cut well explained guidelines need to lovingly be shared forcefully. Set limits on behavior. Look for teachable moments.

LEVEL THREE begins anytime after the late teens. Unfortunately level three never begins for some people. Kohlberg has reason to think that only 20% of adult Americans reach this level when a person chooses to do something because it is right in and of itself, because a principle is involved. At this stage one is not trying to please self, or others, but what matters is what is right. Internal convictions now become important. Morality is determined by principle not force as in level one or group acceptance as in group two. Honesty is now based on values not because of what a parent says or others think.

Which level characterizes you? Adults, have you gotten hung up in level one or two. If so you will never help your child reach level three which you likely are already expecting. Parents hung up in level one or two use any combination of the following ways to ruin their children:

1. Teach but do not practice.
2. Justify their child’s wrongdoing.
3. Do not discipline.
4. Laugh at child’s misbehavior.
5. Give their child unearned money.
6. Allow children to be disorderly.
7. Let the child do his/her own thing.

We are to grow in grace and knowledge.

Knowledge we know. Grace we need to learn and share.

III. THERE MUST BE A CHALLENGE
Two married Christians don’t necessarily make for a Christian marriage. The traits of Christianity must permeate the family. Christian living is not an accomplished state it is a growing process. Marriage can be a rich and satisfying experience to those willing to sacrifice selfish goals and find in Christ their shared purpose for living. Don’t develop a theology of personal convenience, but personal conviction. Abraham was to challenge his household to “keep the way of the Lord” in “righteousness and justice.” How can a parent do this?

A. Develop and maintain a proper set of priorities. Maintain personal and spiritual integrity. What you are is more important than what you do, because what you are determines what you do. Strive for family intimacy. Recognize the importance of parenting. Strive for vocational excellence — but not at family expense.

B. Acknowledge and express love. Take an active role in the interest of each member of the family. An effective way of showing love is by listening. Be a friend, someone who is always ready to listen and help. Growing together requires time together. By that I don’t mean being at home at the same time with each watching their own TV, eating their favorite fast food, and waiting for their own phone to ring. It means being involved with each other.

C. Affirm the members of the household. That is, reassure one another. Live together as a team. Confirm strong points while helping development in areas of weakness. This is essential to others self-esteem and confidence.

D. Acknowledge yourself to be a spiritually dependent person. With Joshua say, “As for me and my house we will serve the Lord.”